


Rockabye

by writeyourownlifestory



Series: Babies, Sex, and Everything In-between [2]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: Falling In Love, Gay Sex, M/M, Mpreg, Pregnant Sex, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-01-31 12:55:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18591691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writeyourownlifestory/pseuds/writeyourownlifestory
Summary: The first time Joe decides to be spontaneous and have a one night stand, it leads to miraculous consequences.





	1. Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight)

**Author's Note:**

> What happens when you take two idiots who ship two other idiots, one weird plot idea about pregnancy and a Clean Bandit song? 
> 
> This fic.

 

**_ Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight _ **   
**_Won't somebody help me_ **   
**_Chase the shadows away_ **   
**_Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight_ **   
**_Take me through the darkness_ **   
**_To the break of the day_ **

 

Joe couldn’t remember the last time he had been this sick. Not when he was ten and went camping with his dad and came back home with the flu. Not when he was a freshman in college and basically got scurvy from lack of a proper diet. Or even last Christmas when he ended up with a stomach bug that kept him bedridden for nearly a week. 

 

He tried to ignore it. It wasn’t terrible at first. The aching body here and there, the random bouts of vomiting in the middle of the night. It wasn’t every night, but a handful throughout the week — enough to catch his attention. He chalked it up as some stomach bug that carried on longer than expected. And then continued on as the days turned to weeks. 

 

He spent several weeks, in fact, feeling like absolute shit before he finally decided to do something about it. Something serious anyway. He tried drug store medication — he would spend many nights in a NyQuil induced slumber, only to be woken up by the churning of his stomach as he sluggishly ran off to the bathroom.

 

He didn’t want to think badly about it. He didn’t want to fear the worst. Too much bad shit went on in his life and he didn’t want to cast a dark light on something that may turn out to be nothing. Some days he would feel fine — completely normal. He could eat without issue and sleep through the night. And then there were times where he felt like absolute garbage. It came and went enough for him to not need to go see a doctor. 

 

The only reason he agreed to go was due to Lucy’s never-ending persistence. She wanted to believe that everything was all right, but even she couldn’t ignore the lingering doom of something terrible if he just kept getting sicker and sicker. 

 

In the darkest part of his mind, he feared the worst. He remembered seeing his father slowly drift off, his body caving away into nothingness. He feared that same possible outcome for himself. He didn’t feel like he had cancer, but then again, what was that even supposed to feel like? 

 

He gave in for her sake, using the health care that he was privileged enough to have and made an appointment for the doctor. He felt like a child, jaggery and nervous in his seat as he flipped through the magazines. He hated the doctors for many reasons.

 

The waiting rooms were filtered with germs and the water machine always made that stupid noise when the air bubble would push through it. How they always made your appointment for a specific time but didn’t take you in until much later. What the fuck was up with that? 

 

When he did get called in, he waited even longer, nearly ten minutes. The bundle of nerves building in his chest was about to burst when the nurse finally entered. All cheery and pleasant as she read over his chart. He explained the situation as carefully as possible but by the time the doctor came around, he made it very clear that he felt like shit and just wanted to know why that was. 

 

Neither made it seem like this was something he had to worry about, which both relaxed Joe but also frustrated him. Lucy made it out to seem like it was the end of the world and yet they were just bobbing their heads and playing it off like it was no issue. 

 

They had him piss in a cup and drew some blood. He sat on that chair thing, in a room that was far too cold, staring at some medical poster on the wall as he waited for one of them to come back and tell him what the fuck was going on. 

 

When the nurse came back, she instructed him to go into the doctor's private office. It was at that moment Joe feared the worst. You don’t sit with the doctor with the door closed and hear good news. Each step felt like it was farther and farther away and when he entered the room, he found himself sitting an even more uncomfortable chair. 

 

When the man entered the room, it wasn’t the doctor he had previously spoken to, but rather someone completely different. He introduced himself, shaking Joe’s hand before setting down at his desk and laying a file down onto it. In that file laid Joe’s fate and he just needed to know what it was. He didn’t want to hear some speech about how sorry the doctor was that this had happened and that there were treatments for whatever he had. 

 

He just wanted to know. Wanted to get this over with so he could move on from it.

 

As it turned out, he wasn’t sick. Not really. There was no cancer in his system, but rather something else. 

 

“You see, Mr. Mazzello, every so often there is a man born with a specific recessive gene. An abnormality, of sorts if you will. If you look here, you’d see that it’s incredibly rare, but not completely out of our knowledge.” Dr. Lee mentioned, pushing the paper over to him. It spoke all about whatever the fuck was going on with his body. 

 

Joe skimmed it, continuing to listen to the good doctor tried to explain the situation to someone outside of the medical field. 

 

“If two men who carry the same recessive gene were to experience unsafe sex, then the possibility of reproduction is far higher than say one carrier and someone without.” 

 

“Reproduction?” Joe mimicked, pulling the paper closer to him. He continued to skim, searching for any keywords that would set him off. 

 

“Reproduction. Also known as procreation. In some cultures, they still call it breeding. It’s when-” 

 

Joe cut him off, slamming the paper back down onto the desk. “I know what it means.” He snapped. “Are you saying I’m pregnant?” 

 

The word sounded so foreign on his tongue. Like it didn’t belong there. Joe couldn’t be pregnant. Men didn’t get pregnant. Even when the medical chart explaining it right to him, Joe didn’t care. That wasn’t . . . okay, it was possible. He knew it was. It’s not common, but it’s not impossible. Back in college, Joe had gone on a date with a girl who was the offspring of two male carriers. The date didn’t do anything other than giving Joe blue balls, but that was a story for another time. 

 

“Yes, actually. Though from your surprise, I don’t think congratulations are in order just yet.” Dr. Lee mentioned, leaning back in his chair. 

 

“How the . . . how far along am I?” Joe asked, trying to piece together what the hell was going on. 

 

Dr. Lee opened his file, flipping through until he found the details. “Just shy of twelve weeks. You’re at the tail end of your first trimester.” He explained carefully. The good doctor sat up a bit straighter, his eyes softening ever so slightly, but there was something serious lingering as he began to speak again. “Joseph. I know this must be a shock for you, and I encourage you to take a bit of time to think it over, but please be aware that this situation is quite sensitive and should be handled properly.” 

 

He began explaining that if the carrier was to take no action at all, it could be deadly, not only for the fetus but for the carrier as well. Men, though they possessed the correct organs to carry the child, didn’t have the correct exiting method. C-section was the only solution. 

 

Long ago, before people became properly aware of the medical phenomenon that was male carriers, they would take extreme measures and use a knife of sorts, cutting out the child (though many believed it to be an abomination). 

 

If the man did nothing, the pain would be ungodly. Many men had lost their lives without medical attention and even then, the fetus still had to be removed physically as the body didn’t have the ability to break it down or pass it on as a female would. 

 

Dr. Lee passed over a few pamphlets for Joe to take home with him and go over. It talked all about the choices he had to make and asked him to get back in contact when he made his choice, whether to go forward with the pregnancy or terminate it. 

 

Joe returned home in a daze, feeling . . . he didn’t know how to feel. He walked in expecting to find out that he was dying and he walked out with the knowledge that he was able to create life. 

 

He knew it was stupid. It should have been a quick and easy decision but things like this never were. He looked over his choices, the three of them. Joe had always been on the side of pro-choice. Wasn’t his body, he didn’t know the situation, so who was he to decide what somebody else did? Now it was his own body and he felt sick thinking about making such a big choice.

 

He knew some women (and even a small amount of men) did it because they didn’t have a choice. Terminating a pregnancy was never an easy choice, so the emotions that were hitting him were enough to tell him that going down that path wasn’t his choice. He didn’t have a good reason to do it. Not really. 

 

The second choice was adoption, but that fell through because why the hell would he go through all the trouble of being pregnant only to give the kid up? He knew others chose that route cause they weren’t in the position to raise a child but Joe could. After all, he was a grown ass man with a career and apartment. He could afford to take care of himself so he could take care of a smaller version of himself. 

 

After all, he wasn’t getting any younger and the possibility of him settling down with a woman was even slimmer than that. It came to his attention that this might be his only chance at having a kid. He thought about it before. How could he not? He had nieces and nephews, adorable kids he loved playing with. He had friends with kids and found that while he loved the life he loved, the independence, the freedom, being a dad was still something he wanted at the end of the day.

 

And now here he was, with the universe giving him exactly what he wanted. After a long-winded mental conversation with himself, Joe made his decision. He’d keep the kid. It would be hard and may be difficult but he’d be okay.

 

He returned to Dr. Lee a few days later to go over the next few steps. To his luck, the good doctor specialized in this specific medical proceeder, so rather than going to some random OB/GYN, he’d be working with Dr. Lee from this point on. 

 

The pregnancy was expected to be like any other. The symptoms would settle as the trimester's progress. Joe would have bi-weekly doctors visits to make sure the fetus was developing all right. Despite it being cited as a bit of a medical miracle, the defection rate on them was slim to none. 

 

Joe felt a bit better about that. He was going through hell, with his body changing completely make room for this new being, but he would gladly do it knowing that the kid would come out healthy. 

 

He knew about the pregnancy for a week before mentioning into anymore. It was common knowledge to wait around three months before saying anything, not wanting to take the risk of miscarriage. The possibility of that was only slightly higher than female carriers, due to the stress levels of men and women and the effects they had on fetuses. 

 

Joe honestly thought about signing himself up for yoga after that, not wanting to add any more unneeded stress onto the kid. 

 

The first person he told was his mother. She had no idea that he carried the gene, explaining that they only began testing for it in the late eighties. Apparently, the whole AIDS epidemic wasn’t the only issue going through the gay scene back then. Once it began more mainstream, more acceptable, that was when the world began caring. 

 

The moment babies began dying inside the womb, of course. After all, even if it came from a gay man, the life of a fetus was worth more than the life of a man, so long as it was still inside the man. Joe almost wounded himself, he rolled his eyes so far back. 

 

Despite the obvious worries, his mother was happy for him. After all, who didn’t want a new grandchild to spoil? He told his brothers and sisters who were equally shocked, yet pleased with the news. 

 

The only other person he told the news to the outside of family was Lucy. She was ecstatic, though slightly thrown for a loop as he was completely unaware that men could even be carriers. He gave her all the paperwork, letting her read up for it as they sat in his living room. He was sitting there, his hand absentmindedly rubbing at his stomach as Lucy went on and on about how wonderful the news was. 

 

He wanted to scoff at her. Not to be cruel, but rather to prove how wildly different their opinions were. Lucy adored children and while Joe knew she would be involved, he would still be the one dealing with the morning sickness and the never-ending body aches. He’d be the one to wake up every night to change a diaper or warm a bottle. 

 

His life would be the one changing completely and yet Lucy was bouncing around, thinking how little ideas that he could throw together for the nursery and how she just had to be the godmother. Joe didn’t think that far ahead. 

 

His loft was decently sized. He had one bedroom and well, technically it was meant to be a guest room, but he turned it into his workspace for his writing and editing. He was sure he’d have to move everything out and turn that room into the nursery, but that wouldn’t be for some time.

 

Joe had already begun to snag child related ebooks and skim through them, picking up on things he should already be aware of and whatnot. He still had a long way to go, but he didn’t mind. He was patient. 

 

Joe looked up, humming at whatever Lucy was saying. He was lost in his own train of thought, thinking about what he was going to do when the kid came. It would stay in his room for a while but eventually would need its own room. Joe thought about all the different things he could do. What designs or themes he could pull together. 

 

It was the little things that got him excited. Seeing all the different outfits they had and imagining what he would dress the baby up for Halloween. He was serious about this since it was a serious situation and should not be taken lightly. But honestly, what the fuck was cuter than a baby dressed up like a pumpkin? 

 

“Joe! Are you even listening?” Lucy asked, tossing one of the throw pillows at Joe to catch his attention. 

 

“Huh? Sorry. What were you saying?” 

 

“I was asking what the father thought about all this,” Lucy told him. 

 

Joe raised a brow, confused by her question. “Lucy I’m the father.” He told her as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

 

He knew the stigma that male carriers held. They were either looked at like medical miracles or freaks who gave birth to abominations. He read enough online to know that people were more than happy to mock someone who was just trying to bring another life into the world. 

 

Joe didn’t know what was worse. Being considered weak and basically being compared to as a woman or someone really thinking that being a woman was an insult. As if women didn’t have enough shit to put up with. 

 

Joe didn’t want to be called a mother because that wasn’t what he was. Not really. He was a carrier, but he didn’t have what mothers had. He didn’t have the instinct or the drive. He didn’t have the proper organs or even the full ability. He got pregnant due to wild circumstances brought up by chance. He was basically one in a million or whatever Dr. Lee said the percentage was. 

 

Joe would give credit where credit was due and he knew no matter how good of a parent he was, he’d never be able to compare himself to any true mother. 

 

“I meant the _other_ father, Joe.” Lucy continued, rolling her eyes at his words. “The guy you slept with. You know, the other piece of your biological puzzle.” 

 

Joe sprung upwards, nearly throwing himself off the couch. Lucy was still speaking, asking what the guy was like and questioning why he hadn’t bothered to introduce him. Joe was a private person, but never private enough not to introduce Lucy to any possible love interest of his own.

 

Joe could recall all the times he had spent babbling on and on to Lucy about whoever was the focus of his affection. In their sophomore year of college, Joe was fairly certain he was going to marry the TA in his filmography class and by senior year he was over the moon for some guy that came to do some lecturing. 

 

Now, at the ripe age of thirty-two, Joe was as single as they came. There had been people here and there, but never anybody that could really count as a legitimate relationship. Lucy told him he was too good for everyone and no one deserved him. Rami was a bit less supportive and basically called Joe a clingy little shit and that he should stop being so picky. 

 

Joe didn’t think of himself as picky. He wanted someone kind and trustworthy. Someone he could build a life with and not just shove in front of the camera. His career was . . . well, it was booming and he found that most people that showed interest in him mostly just wanted to use him. 

 

He wasn’t going to toot his own horn and call himself the next Spielberg but he was a pretty decent director and writer and editor. Truth was, he did most of the work. Rami either acted for their projects or took on the role of producer. He was good with people. He knew how to get them to invest and take an interest in their work. 

 

Lucy was their actress. They never did a project without her. She was beautiful and worked well on camera. She could cry on command and if there was anything Joe loved, it was a good, heart-wrenching scene. 

 

They were still pretty indie. After all, he was working out of his office space in home editing everything on his own, but he preferred it that way. He liked New York and worried that if they got bigger than they’d end up having to go to LA permanently and Joe wasn’t ready for that move just yet. 

 

Still, being the biggest New York-based filmmakers was a title that Joe and Rami were proud to hold. MalZzello productions as they called it (mostly due to lack of real creativity) was in full swing and Joe found himself with some free time since their last film hit the circuit. It was big enough to be played in theaters for limited releases and already got picked up to be shown at Tribeca. 

 

It was an honor and both Rami and Joe knew that things were just going to get bigger and better for them. 

 

That was why Rami threw the party after the release of their latest film. Rami always loved parties. He knew better than anybody that to get people interested you had to make them feel good. So they used up whatever money they had to throw the bash of the century, inviting everyone they could in hopes of drawing enough attention. 

 

They did they after every release and as the years went on and they became more well known in the industry, the money came rolling in and the parties got bigger and better. Rami, though quieter and reserved than people first perceived, turned into a different person when a party came around. He would laugh and dance and drink. He would preach about their films like they were something bigger than they were. 

 

Joe was envious of him. He put in their mask and turned into someone the world wanted him to be, all while Joe would follow Lucy around like a lost little duckling, sipping at whatever drink had been placed in his hand until he got the nerve to go onto the dance floor. 

 

That was where he met him. He didn’t remember his name, but he could recall the way his hands felt on him as they danced and how delicious his mouth tasted when they kissed, mixed with whatever alcoholic options they were given. He was pretty, that much he remembered. Pretty with a deep voice and a lovely accent. 

 

Joe didn’t do one night stands. As Rami said, he could be somewhat clingy and found that he was too much of a romantic to think that one night would be enough. But he was celebrating his film and he drank enough to allow his mind to drift. The guy was handsome and it was obvious what he wanted. 

 

Joe didn’t plan on falling in love on the dance floor and in all honesty, he didn’t. He fell right into lust and was more than pleased when the guy asked him where he lived. The party was being held just a few blocks from his apartment, so the walk there was quick and easy. 

 

The night was still pretty fuzzy but Joe remembered enough to be able to piece together what happened. The man (whose name still escaped him) pushed him against his door and they kissed like fools as clothing was ripped off. They had sex on his couch (the very couch Joe was sitting on right now) with his face pressed into the cushions. 

 

It was rough and needy and everything Joe expected it to be. When they finished, they were still hyped up on adrenaline and the alcoholic buzz. They continued to kiss, making idle conversation until they got hard again. Joe didn’t have sex often, so when they shuffled into his room and he searched his draws for a condom, he only found one. 

 

It was older and the writing had been worn off a bit but that didn’t matter. The blond (he was blond!) rolled it on without a care, using the non-bacterial hand lotion Joe used nightly to keep his hands soft and smooth as lube. 

 

The second time was better than the first. Less rushed, with them both facing one another as their tongues tangled and Joe’s leg wrapped around his hip. The condom ended up ripping but they just laughed it off, the blond taking it as a compliment. 

 

They were both clean. Joe definitely was and the blond insisted that he got checked every few months. Looking back, Joe should have seen that as a warning sign at how experienced the man was. He probably did this often. Went home with someone and blew their mind. Joe was almost envious. He wished he had that much power. To be able to not give a shit about anything and just find someone and bring them home without the assistance of liquid bravery. 

 

Joe thought they might have had sex one more time, but it was too blurry to really remember. All he knew was when he woke up, he was alone and his backside was sore. There was no name or number left behind. He didn’t mind so much. He didn’t plan on starting anything with the guy, no matter how good the sex was. 

 

He carried on like anything, not bothering to tell Lucy or Rami about it. He didn’t want to make it into something bigger than it was. Sex was sex and while it felt good to get laid again, Joe also knew it wasn’t going to be a repeating thing. He could last the next few months living off the buzz that came from that night and he was content with that. 

 

At least he was until now. Now, he was trying very, very hard to think of the name of the man and how he could find him again. So many people came to their parties, it was hard to keep track of anybody. He could have literally been anybody! Maybe someone in the industry or just a guy who walked in off the street. 

 

Joe couldn’t believe this was happening to him. For one, he didn’t even think of the other guy when the doctor told him about his pregnancy. The shock was enough to do him in, so he blamed that on his lack of realization that it took two to get pregnant. 

 

Joe hung his head low between his knees, trying his best not to groan aloud. It failed and Lucy was by his side after he released an agonizing cry that was muffled by the throw pillow he had been clutching in his hands. 

 

“The first time in my life I have a one night stand, it ends up being with someone who carries the same recessive gene as me. I mean, that type of irony is almost poetic as much as pathetic.” 

 

“Joe, it’s not pathetic,” Lucy told him softly, running her hand up and down his back. “This happens all the time. It’s pretty common actually.” 

 

“Gee thanks. I love knowing that there is a bunch of one night stand babies out in the world.” Joe snapped, groaning into the pillow once more. 

 

He ended up having to tell Rami. He planned on telling him anyway. Wasn’t like he could hide it forever. Dr. Lee explained the changes to his body would be different from females, but that still didn’t mean he could just play it off as getting fat. Besides, what was he supposed to do once the kid arrived? Just pretend he found it on his doorstep? 

 

Rami was . . . well, he wasn’t exactly cruel. But he mocked Joe for it more than he expected. He found the whole situation utterly amazing and loved the idea of seeing his best friend and writing partner going through mood swings and eating pickles with ice cream. 

 

After getting a few unfavorable jokes out of the way, they got down to business. He had to find the guy. He couldn’t just tell him. If Joe had a kid out there somewhere, he would want to know. The least he could do was offer the man the same respect and tell him. Rami promised to go through the invitation list and ask around, but he made no promises. 

 

“Everybody shows up to those parties, Joe. We’re not lame college kids trying a dorm party anymore. I mean, Sean _and_ James Gunn showed up last time.” 

 

“Well, neither Sean or James impregnated me, so.” Joe snapped, sipping slowly at his tea. 

 

He missed coffee and knew it would be a while before he could have it again. Yeah, decaf was allowed in a small extent, but it wasn’t worth it. If he wanted to drink weak shit, he’d drink out of a garden hose. 

 

“What do you remember about him?” Lucy asked, proving once again to be more helpful than her boyfriend. 

 

“He was pretty,” Joe confessed. “Blond. I think he had an accent but I honestly couldn’t tell you which one.” 

 

“That certainly narrows it down,” Rami muttered behind his mug. 

 

“Oh shut up,” The ginger snapped, turning his head to look out the window of the cafe.

 

It was a quaint little place that they went to often. Sometimes Joe would sit in the corner with his computer, writing their next big hit. Other times they would meet up for lunch and just talk about life like they were right now. 

 

Rami and Lucy were going back and forth, both trying to think of who the person could have been. A lot of people did come to the party, but that didn’t mean it was impossible to find them. After all, how many blond pretty boys with accents dropped lived in New York City? 

 

Joe was lost in his thoughts, watching the traffic go by when he saw it. 

 

Green eyes. 

 

Unbelievably beautiful green eyes — misty green to be exact. Full of passion and excitement, and a few other emotions that Joe couldn’t describe. 

 

They were the same misty green eyes that stared into him as he hit his peak, again and again, all those weeks ago. Joe may not have remembered everything about that night, but those eyes would never be something he’d be able to forget. 

 

The eyes belonged to a gorgeous face with strong cheekbones and pouty lips that were plastered across a New York City bus. He had seen many ads like it, but never one holding this one specific person. 

 

Joe sprang upwards, spitting out his tea and spritzing Rami who sat across from him. The older male sat in shock, unable to process what happened as Joe threw his arm out to gesture to the bus that was currently driving past them. 

 

“Him!” He nearly shouted throughout the whole cafe. “That was him!” 

 

Lucy, as well as a traumatized Rami, turned and watched as the bus carrying the ad for the latest Calvin Klein cologne passed drove off, taking the face of Joe’s apparent baby daddy with it. 

 

After doing a bit of digging, Rami was able to come up with a name. Ben Hardy. He was a model currently working under Calvin Klein and had been interested in getting into acting. He had done a bit of off-Broadway work but had yet to hand anything other than still projects. 

 

Rami tried to compliment him, tried to make it seem like it was impressive. Bagging an underwear model for the night. Joe tried to argue that he modeled more than just clothing. After all, the ad on the bus was for the newest fragrance but that didn’t matter. He was a model none the less. 

 

Joe had to admit, it got to his ego a little bit. He knew he was just slightly above average looking, but to have someone like Ben go for him, it made him feel good. Sure there was that small voice in his head that was telling him that Ben was probably drunk and would have gone home with anybody that night but he tried to ignore that. Tried to push down the negativity that constantly pestered him. 

 

Rami got in contact with Ben. Or Ben’s agent really. Ben’s number wasn’t available to the public so they did a little bit of lying. Rami made his big dramatic speech about how Ben would be perfect for their new project. The truth was there was no project but they said what they said to say in order to get him to show up.

 

Joe was sitting inside the same cafe, his leg bouncing as he waited for the blond. He was nursing his tea, trying so hard to keep his nerve down. He had thrown up twice. One in the middle of the night and again in the morning. Dr. Lee explained that his body would relax over time but for now, the symptoms were still up and down. 

 

When the man finally arrived, he nearly did a spit take for the second time. He was as gorgeous as he had been the night they met. He approached with a winning smile that showed off his white teeth and red lips and high cheekbones.

 

Christ they were going to have a good looking child. 

 

The conversation started off small, with Ben automatically going into the plays he had done off-Broadway and the small roles he scored for television. His resume wasn’t impressive but it wasn’t empty either. He showed off his headshots and his not so obvious humblebrags about working with Josh Brolin didn’t go unnoticed. But that didn’t matter. Joe was there to offer him a role, or talk about a new project. 

 

“You don’t remember me, do you?” Joe asked suddenly, catching the blond off guard. “We met at Rami’s party. My party. You came home with me.” Joe said. Scenes of that night played out in his head, all the while Ben was staring at him blankly. “We had sex on my couch.” 

 

“Oh.” The word was simple. It wasn’t full of surprise or shock. Instead, he sounded like he was being offered Pepsi when he asked for a coke. Very bland. Very unbothered. After a beat, his smile returned. He perched an eyebrow, smiling to him eagerly. “I guess that means I am guaranteed the role then?”

 

Joe wanted to hit him. Honestly to god he just wanted to throw his team in his face for being so fucking arrogant. 

 

“Listen, there is no new project, okay? Rami just say that in order to get you to come out.”

 

“Why am I out here then?” Ben asked, his jaw tensing slightly. 

 

Joe wondered what was going on inside Ben’s head. Was he expecting Joe to give him this big speech about how great their night was and how he wanted to do it again? It was almost laughable. Sex was the last thing on Joe’s mind right now. 

 

Joe went over it in his head, all the different ways he could explain the situation. Maybe to give him the pamphlets that Dr. Lee had given him or speak about how it was a medical phenomenon that they both were able to find one another and make this happen. 

 

In the end, he decided to just blurt it out. Just tell him the truth. His reaction was . . . as expected.

 

“Are you joking?” 


	2. One Of Us

**_They pass me by_ **   
**_All of those great romances_ **   
**_It's as if you're robbing me of my rightful chances_ **   
**_My picture clear, everything seemed so easy_ **   
**_And so I dealt you the blow_ **   
**_One of us had to go_ **   
**_Now it's different, I want you to know...._ **   


 

“No, I'm not,” Joe said firmly, inching the pamphlet closer to the blond. This had to be a joke. He had to be on candid camera or perhaps this was Malzzello trying to film genuine, stunned reactions of the upcoming stars. Either way, Ben didn't buy it for a second.

 

Even so, Ben picked up on the pamphlet and read the cover. “Male Carriers: The Rare but Rewarding Gift.” Ben scoffed and slid the paper back to Joe's side of the table.

 

“Whatever game you are playing at ends here. If this is something for your production, then you got me but I’m not going any further.” Ben shook his head, already preparing himself to stand. 

 

“This is real. Please, Ben, I didn't believe it either at first but if could you just take a moment to read this, to let me explain.” Joe pleaded but it did not stop the blond from getting up from his seat.

 

“I don't need to listen to this shit any longer.” Ben threw his jacket over his shoulders, “And shit, if it is real...if this male carrier garbage is a thing, then have Rami tell me when it's born. I'll pay whatever fuckin child support you need or whatever.”

 

“I don't need your money. I need you to believe me. Ben, come on. Do you really think I’d make this shit up?” Joe said to gritted teeth, holding one to have the temptation to reach out and plead for the blond to stay. Part of Ben wanted to believe that no, no one would lie about such a thing, but Ben knew better than to see the best in someone. So instead, Ben laughed off Joe's plea and ran out of the cafe.

 

He laughed all the way home. All the way to his apartment where he could not sleep for the rest of the night. Even though he acted as if Joe was lying, there was a part of Ben who believed the ginger was telling the truth. A few days pass and he has another night of restless sleep. His sleep-deprived mind ends up looking up male carriers and is met with a plethora of articles claiming its truth. If this was a thing, why didn't Ben hear about it before?   
  


The blond took a moment to reflect on his dating pool. Only recently did he open his pool up to men. He considered himself Pansexual. If he fell in love, he fell hard, no matter the sex. A relationship with a man about a year ago gave him as much love as he had felt in his early 20s. But of course, like most relationships nowadays in one’s 20s, it ended in disaster. He was used for his modeling career and Calvin Klein discount. Ben thought about the countless hours he spent caring for his lover, hoping that he, like his girlfriend before that, was the one. But he wasn't. And she wasn't. The two disasters led Ben on the path he was on now. Single. A partygoer. Someone trying so hard to not to meet someone and give a fuck. Six months of this new Ben and he was doing a pretty good job of it. This lifestyle even gave him far more connections than when he was taken. In his heart of hearts, he couldn't keep up this life forever he lived it for as long as he could ride it.

 

And then he met him. At an indie film celebration bash. He tried to follow every indie film group in NYC on social media, hoping to widen his opportunities from just modeling to acting. He wasn't going to have this body forever, after all.

 

It was a nice setup. The music at the venue was decent. Good mix of the rock classics and more traditional love hits turned dance remix.

 

The ginger sat near a quite bubbly group. Ben knew he belonged. He was one half of the production group. He recognized their Instagram page. But instead of being the center of everyone's attention, he was off to the side, candling some fancy pink drink.

 

Someone must have said something funny because the ginger - Joe - his name was Joe - was mid-sip of his drink before he had to hold himself back from spitting it all out. God, he loved gingers.

 

Ben gulped down the remainder of his second beer before he made his way over, asking for a dance. At first, the ginger seemed skeptical but then, when Ben got the liquid courage to snake a hand around the ginger's waist, it was like he went into a trance. He took the blond’s lead and without minutes, their tongues were dancing even more so than the rest of their body.

 

Ben was surprised when the singer agreed to be taken home. He was even more surprised when Joe was all ready to go when the door opened to his quaint apartment. 

 

Ben remembers everything. The blond is almost positive that Joe did not. He seemed too buzzed or on a high from the pleasure, Ben was providing him. Having serious relationships followed by a multitude of one night stands during his “new life” really helped a person know how to properly pleasure a partner. Sure, the first round was needy but Ben made a mental note to slow down the second time.

 

Joe was practically crying the second time around, the blond finding the angle that grazed over Joe's prostate over and over again. Ben was so proud of the work that he didn't realize until Joe gasped and the two realized that the condom broke.

 

Ben swore up and down that he was clean and Joe did the same. Ben asked if he should pull out and finish off to the side but Joe pleaded for him to finish inside. And he did. He came hard and Joe did not waste time to release all over his stomach.

 

Ben worked on cleaning the pair up. Joe smiled at him, also proud of their dirty work. They laid there in Joe's bed for a solid hour, still riding the high. Joe was so bouncy that he left to grab himself a rum and coke. Ben declined but watched as Joe danced along with some ABBA song that he made Alexa play.

 

He watched the cute, yet slightly sexy sight in front of him. Dancing without care, stark naked. Joe must have seen the tent grow over the bed sheets because within minutes, Joe was strolling over, handing over the lotion they had used earlier. Without a word, ABBA still playing in the background, Joe straddled the blond, taking the initiative and guiding his cock through begging cheeks.

 

Why did Ben leave without a word in the morning, one may ask. For one, he had a shoot the next morning. Two, he had a strange feeling that the ginger was far more into his cock than him. Even though he's been putting on his persona, he's actually quite clingy, especially with girls or guys that are his type. And Joe was oh so his type. But Ben couldn't bare ruining his chances with Joe's production group by becoming a five-star clinger nor did he think Joe even want someone like him. An all American boy should have an all American man. Not some blond Brit who looked, on the outside, like he was made of pure fuckboy material, yet would marry you on day one if he knew you felt the same.

 

So the blond left. His heart sank but he had to do it. He assured himself that there were at least a million people in New Yorker city that would fit his type that he could bed and eventually claim as his own.

 

But the problem was that he couldn't forget the ginger. He was always in the back of his mind, even if he didn't realize it. And then suddenly, when Rami called, asking if Ben would like to join their team for a new project, the blond jumped at the opportunity.

 

Except, he was not meant with an opportunity. He saw the ginger, practically radiating. Ben tried not to smile too wide or act like he remembered the brunet so vividly. When Joe spoke about their sexual encounter, Ben thought he remembers as much as him, so he joked it off. Then Joe got pissed and Ben was left confused. The confusion grew when a pamphlet was thrown in his face. Ben was tickled at the chance to see the ginger again and now this pamphlet was shoved in his face, making a mockery of him. So many production companies use him for candid shots or even, think how stupid he is because of his blond locks, so they throw the stupidest plots out for him, begging that he was dumb enough to take them.

 

The pamphlet looked bogus and Ben couldn't stand it any longer. He shot up from the table and in his haste to leave the ginger without finding some truth behind his beautiful freakin’ face, knocked into a nearby table, spilling the coffee all over the darker skinned customer. 

 

“Oh come on!” from the familiar voice of Rami Malek, actor extraordinary was the last thing Ben heard from the cafe as he left Joe and his amazing ability to act like this was real.

 

And perhaps it was. Nights after reuniting with Joe and Ben drives further into a black hole of this recessive gene. It didn't make sense. He was never tested for something like this. Granted, he only recently opened up his dating pool to men but still, you'd think you would know if you were a bloke who could have children. 

 

Ben wanted to contact Joe to show proof. More proof. No sense of getting his hopes up about having a child if it was all bullshit. He was a few months away from 30, after all. He wasn't getting any younger. But he went against his better judgment and figured that if Joe was serious about this, he'd contact him. Not rami but Joe. He needed to see that Joe even wanted Ben in his life. Some pregnancies go on without the carrier not even caring who the sperm donor was. Ben thought perhaps that was Joe. He couldn't help but think what a beautiful child they'd make though.

 

Still, the lack of a word, month after month made Ben bitter. A month after no word from Joe and one single text from rami needing to talk and Ben was on a binge. A binge of far too much alcohol. Far too much useless hookups. The only difference from before Joe was that he never left without a box of condoms. If Joe was carrying, Ben was a walking sperm donor and he didn't need anyone else holding his DNA inside their bellies. 

 

Ben would forget about that ginger with a goofy smile, all American baseball memorabilia in his room and a strange love for ABBA when plastered. Right? God, he hoped so.


	3. Thank You For The Music

**_But I've often wondered, how did it all start?_ **   
**_Who found out that nothing can capture a heart_ **   
**_Like a melody can?_ **   
**_Well, whoever it was, I'm a fan_ **

 

Pregnancy hit Joe, not like a rolling bus, but rather a speeding train. It changed a lot about him, but they were changes he was willing to make. Things he ate, the way he slept, even the way he looked. His entire world was shifting and yet he couldn’t find himself upset or unhappy. In fact, as the days went on, turning into weeks and more, he found himself practically gleeful.

It was a big task to take on, being a single parent, but he didn’t mind it. He had people there by his side, caring about him and helping any way he can. His brother and sister were already offering everything they could as well as his mother, who was already offering to come and stay with him after the baby was born.

Lucy and Rami were already making arrangements, wanting to help any which way they could. Both would join him at any doctors visits, though the ginger was fairly certain Rami was currently banned due to breaking the uterus model that sat inside the doctor’s office.

Joe was fairly certain that both of them would experience baby-fever by the time this was over. Rami had mentioned a few months back that he was planning to propose once their final film had been cut. He had a few ideas on rings he wanted to have made for Lucy.

Picking something out in a jewelry store just seemed too unpractical, too unoriginal for his lady love. Even if he tried not to show it, when it came to Lucy, Rami was nothing less than a hopeless romantic. He may come off as the type who is too good for just about everything, but never for his lady love.

Joe wasn’t jealous. Not really. Envious, really. To have someone love you like that. It was something Joe never experienced. True, romantic love. Sure, he had been in relationships before, but never anything that could chalk up to true love.

He knew he should have been grateful. He had an entire army of people on his side, giving him all the acceptance and admiration that he could ever need. He knew at the end of the day, he would be all right on his own. That he and the baby would be perfectly fine. They would be a very unexpected pair.

Joe always wanted to be a father, to have the life his parents had. White picket fence and beautiful house in the suburbs. He’d have a beautiful wife or a handsome husband. He’d be married and they’d raise their children together. Children. Multiple. He wanted three, just like his own parents.

At this point, Joe was happy with the one. After all, he wasn’t getting any younger and the chances of finding another male carrier were slim to none. So Joe would make do on his own.

He and his little bundle. His little bump.

Ben wanted nothing to do with either of them and at first, Joe was angry. Angry, and hurt, and so fucking baffled by how someone could just turn their cheek at their own flesh and blood. He was raised by the best man he ever knew and never once could he imagine his own father shutting him out.

Maybe he really didn’t believe him. Maybe he should have thrown the file with his pregnancy results at him or demanded that he got a blood test to prove it to him, but it just wasn’t worth it. Joe wasn’t going to fight for something that Ben obviously didn’t care about. There were more pressing matters, like his Child's well being.

Joe might just be one man, but is history ever proved correct, one man with a whole lot of heart and good intentions could change the world.

And the only world he wanted to change was the world he was creating deep inside of him.

Fuck Ben Hardy and the platform he stood on. Joe had more important things to focus on than him. Rami did what he could to get in contact with the blond, to get him to own up to his mistake but Joe told him not to bother. Life would go on without him. Joe was sure about that.

The weeks turned to months far quicker than one might expect. He spent his entire first trimester had no idea he was even pregnant. It was a bit torturous, the never-ending sickness and constant headaches.

The sickness slowly drifted away as the weeks went on and while he was still dealing with headaches every now and then, it was nothing compared to what it had been when this all began.

Now, he was settling into the pregnancy just as any female would. Dr. Lee went over the physical differences, explaining that while women would show relatively quickly and grow bigger month by month, he wouldn’t be changing until the end of the term. From now until then, he would just be looking a bit wide in the stomach. Like he was carrying a food baby or beer belly.

The stages came and went with the weeks. By fourteen, the baby was the size of his fist. When he was young, he used to be dumb and try to fit his fist into his mouth. He had a very large mouth, so it wasn’t that hard.

After that, the baby began being compared to fruit. Oranges or avocados. His favorite was the sweet potato. It would be an adorable little nickname, he had to admit. His precious little sweet potato. After that came a mango, and then a cantaloupe and carrot.

In all honesty, all it did was make him hungry.

The cravings came slowly. Little by little, he wanted more. He was eating pickles on their own, which wasn’t the strangest thing to consume. But then he was sipping it into sour cream, which again, wasn’t the grossest thing by far.

And then he wanted rice with brown sugar. Odd, but delicious. He tried to eat better, eating veggies and things high in fiber. He didn’t want to gain too much weight, especially since he was going to be working with a beer gut for the next few months.

It was the chocolate craze that was going to do him in. All he wanted was chocolate — in any form. Bars or kisses or milk. God, the chocolate milk. So sweet and creamy. He’d have it nightly. Which, to a normal person, wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but for someone who was lactose intolerant, it was basically a guaranteed one-way ticket to the shitter.

It was worth it though. He and the baby enjoyed their little treat nightly and if he wound up waking up in the middle of the night having stomach pain, then he’d whisper his usual apology as he rubbed his stomach and made his way to the bathroom. 

By now, he would be given little kicks here and there. Small movements that he used to indicate whether or not the baby was comfortable. He found out very quickly that the child reacted happily to music, something Joe appreciated. His little bump enjoyed a good melody and that was something Joe himself could share with them.

When he reached his twentieth month, Joe was told that he’d have an official ultrasound that would confirm the sex of the baby. He had gone up and down on what he wanted to, whether to find out or be told.

Originally, he wanted to keep it a surprise, since after all, this entire situation was nothing but that. One giant surprise. It would be fun to be able to go through the whole thing and then find out the moment they ripped the kid out of him.

But then he thought about planning and while the whole ‘gender reveal’ party was thrilling, he also knew it was far easier to prepare to set up the room and pick out the clothing if he knew what he was having. Not to say if he was having a boy he’d strictly dress them in blue or if it was a girl, strictly in pink. Joe was a bisexual man was basic knowledge of fashion. He took risks when he needed to and knew at the end of the day, you could wear what you wanted.

But still, the outfits for boys and the outfits for girls were just too fucking cute to pass up. Colors aside, the idea of buying a mini three-piece suit for the next event was too much for him to bare.

So with Lucy by his side, he went in, ready to find out the sex of the baby. The technician was friendly and talkative, going over everything with him. They poured the goo onto his stomach (Joe was smart enough to remember to shave this time around — access body hair just made things messier) and watched as they waved the wand around.

Everything looked clear and good. The baby was still healthy; no abnormalities to worry about. When it came time to find out, Joe held Lucy’s hand, bobbing his head to give the tech the go. The wand moved around a little bit more and with a smile, the truth was revealed.

A girl.

Joe knew how amazing father and son relationships could be. The relationship he had with his father before his passing was like nothing he could ever compare it to. All the memories he had with his dad, playing baseball and following him around with his old camera, they were precious moments Joe wouldn’t trade for the world.

When he found out he was pregnant, he imagined having a son, naming him after his father. Joseph Francis Mazzello IV. It would have been a wonderful thing, to have a son, to have a junior.

But having a daughter was nothing that Joe could ever compare to. All the thoughts popped into his head. Taking her to do silly, girly things like get her nails done and buy dresses. Or maybe they would roll around in the mud and have tea parties. They’d go to father-daughter dances and she’d make him weep by being so utterly beautiful in every single way.

Joe found himself tearing up at the very idea of holding his baby girl for the first time and he knew when she made her arrival, it would be the best thing imaginable.

He still had a long way to go, but it would be well worth the wait.


	4. Fernando

**_There was something in the air that night_ **  
**_The stars were bright, Fernando_ **  
**_They were shining there for you and me_ **  
**_For liberty, Fernando_ **  
**_Though we never thought that we could lose_ **  
**_There's no regret_ **  
**_If I had to do the same again_ **  
**_I would, my friend, Fernando_ **

 

Joe gained the right amount of weight for the pregnancy, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t paranoid that he’d gain too much. The average woman was meant to gain twenty-five to thirty pounds during their fifth month. Joe was right at the end of that, at the tail end of his second trimester. Men were more or less the same, give or take a few pounds.

Joe had just hit the thirty-pound mark when he began to have a little bit of an episode. He wasn’t an unhealthy person. Sometimes he’d drink too much or he would eat unhealthy food. He loved burgers and coffee. Donuts were his favorite. God, he could be such a slut for a good Krispy Kreme donut. He didn’t have it often but now that he was with child, he tried to cut back.

He still had his chocolate milk but not as often. The lactose pills helped to a degree but nothing could stop pure whole chocolate milk from ripping through his system. He was also on tons of different vitamins and was being watched to make sure he didn’t become a pregnancy diabetic.

Everything around him was changing and Joe did everything he could to keep things going smoothly. He went to yoga with Lucy, hoping that the stretch of his body would keep him in shape. It helped to a degree but he just wasn’t bendy enough for that. He downright refused to go to Lamaze. He went once and the looks he got from the other parents was too much for him to bare. He had been going to the gym with Rami prior to falling pregnant but stopped after Rami dropped a dumbbell on his foot and nearly broke it.

Joe wasn’t afraid to be who he was. He was a single male carrier doing this basically on his own, he was proud of the challenges he was taking on. But even he couldn’t handle the whispers and the stares. Not to mention that at this point he didn’t even look pregnant.

His stomach was rounder, hanging low. Most women carried higher with girls but Joe was a special case. Boy or girl, he’d be low. His face was still slim and so was the rest of his body other than the gut he was currently carrying. It was firmer now, and every now and then he would feel the gentle glittering of the baby moving around and kicking.

No longer waking up to vomit, Joe would find himself being nudged awake by the baby moving about. It was a wonderful feeling. A small reminder that this was real. That she was real.

It was that little nudge that got Joe in the right direction. He wanted to healthier for his girl and make sure that he didn’t put her a bad situation.

Jogging was really his only option. No fucking way he was gonna try running, the poor thing would get shaken baby syndrome before she was even out of the womb. Walking was fine, he walked around whenever he wanted to take a break from writing.

He would go out every other day and jog around the neighborhood or if the weather was nice, the park itself. Today he went through Central Park, taking a light jog as he enjoyed the weather. He was dressed casually. Sweat pants and a hoodie. It hides his body well enough.

Anybody who saw him would just see a guy trying to keep in shape and not a father to be doing everything he could to keep his baby in good health. He had his headphones on, listening to nothing but the classics.

He spent many nights sitting with a pair of headphones on his stomach so the baby could listen to classic rock. She already knew every U2 and Queen song available to the public. Joe was known to be somewhat of a dancer and he would dance around the living room, blasting the music as he rocked out with his baby girl.

He was in the middle of singing along with “Voulez Vous” when he rounded the corner. In retrospect, he probably was a bit more distracted than he should have been. He was in the zone and was actually keeping a solid pace when he felt himself slam into something.

Well, actually something slammed into him. Someone slammed into him. Another jogger — no a runner — turned the corner in the opposite direction and they hit right in the middle. Joe hit the ground with a thud, landing on his backside in the dirt. He groaned out, his arms automatically wrapping around his stomach.

He wasn’t hit hard enough for either of them to be hurt, just to throw him off his balance. His ass would hurt more than anything but he was still protective.

The runner was apologizing, scrambling to help him back up. Joe paused, looking up from the ground to see that misty green eyes staring back at him.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Joe muttered, his voice low and dry.

“Joe?” Ben asked, standing straighter as he looked at him. Something shifted in his eyes and Joe half expected the blond to take off running, but he remained close to him. “Christ. Sorry about that mate.”

He reached forward to help him up, his hands grazing at Joe’s stomach. The ginger jerked away from him, rolling onto his knees so he could give himself the leverage to stand. Ben places a careful hand on his arm to steady him, and Joe waited until he had his balance back before jerking him off.

“Are you all right? Sorry, I was sort of in the zone.”

“It’s fine,” he muttered, focusing more on his headphones that were all tangled together than on Ben.

They stood there in the dirt, neither making the first move. They stood there like strangers, not two people who had once been lovers. Even if it was just for a night, Joe never tossed anything off as meaningless. Perhaps to the blond Joe was nothing more than a source of pleasure for one evening but to Joe, it meant so much more.

Joe wanted to just go back on the trail and continue with his jog. After all, Ben was nothing more than a stranger and this was nothing more than an accident. And Joe had survived other accidents that Ben had been a part of.

Joe was about to turn when the Brit decided to speak. It was an idle conversation, just asking how he was and everything. Joe thought about spitting it all out. That he was doing perfectly fine in the pregnancy and there were no issues. He was dealing with heartburn but that usually meant the baby was going to have lots of hair.

Joe thought about what the baby would look like. If she would be an adorable blonde or come out ginger like himself. Would she had green eyes or blue or hazel or brown. There were so many possibilities. Would she have a little button nose or more pointy? Joe would imagine it often when he was sitting in his writing room, staring out into space.

Ben must have noticed that Joe wanted nothing to do with the conversation because it quickly changed from the average “how are you” talk to Ben going right into how he was feeling — like Joe gave a shit.

“Listen, you’re brave for doing this but you can’t turn your nose up at me for being unsure.”

“There’s a difference between being unsure and flat out not giving a shit, Ben and you made it very obvious that you lean towards the latter.” Joe fired back, his arms crossing tightly over his chest.

“What did you expect? For me to just drop my entire life to take care of a kid that might not even be mine?” Ben was seething. Joe didn’t expect the conversation to turn so angry so quickly but he didn’t care. He could fight just like any other guy. He was a New Yorker. Yelling was his specialty.

“The baby is yours!” Joe shouted at him, having no issue getting right in the blonde’s face. “You are the father just like I am! Except you don’t deserve that title because you’re not a fucking father. At this point, you’re basically a sperm donor.”

Father’s did shit for their kids. They picked them up off the ground when they fell off their bikes and straightened their elbows when they were up to bat. Fathers raised their kids and this man these, this grown little bitch boy who was too invested in whatever garbage trash he was listening to pay attention to where he was running wasn’t a father.

Joe had a father and he was fairly certain that if zombies ever came about, his father would rise from the grave and beat the absolute shit out of Ben right now.

Ben was staring at him. Those misty green eyes that Joe once thought were so beautiful were wide and distant. Joe wanted to keep yelling, to let out all his aggression but he knew the stress was bad for the baby.

With a heavy sigh, Joe ran a hand over his face. “Look, I get it. I do. I really do because you know what? Parenthood isn’t easy. Not even remotely.”

Joe wanted to hate Ben, but deep down he understood where he was coming from. This whole thing was wild and scary and in the beginning, Joe wanted to duck and run too. But then he realized how big of a deal this was. How amazing this whole experience was. He was creating life. He was carrying another life inside of him and he couldn’t imagine ever not wanting to be a part of that.

“You don’t have to be apart of this Ben. Truth is I don’t want you to be. Because when this baby grows up and they ask me what it was like when I was pregnant, I’m going to tell them how utterly terrified I was but that not once did I think about walking away. That even despite the odds and my own uncertainty I was determined to give them a good life, even if I was on my own.”

“I told you I would pay the child support if it turned out to be mine.”

“For fuck sake, she is yours!” Joe shouted loudly, ignoring the looks from the people passing by. They could fuck off just like the British bastard that stood before him. “We don’t need your money. In case you forgot, it wasn’t that long ago that you were coming to me for a job opportunity, so don’t go throwing around your fucking wallet trying to impress me. I can take care of my own daughter, thank you very much.”

Joe was satisfied with his work. He said his peace, leaving the blond completely stunned. All the annoyance that had been bubbling deep inside of Joe since the last time he had interacted with Ben was out in the open, and he was finally able to move on from it.

Suddenly, however, Joe watched as Ben’s expression changed. His jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed as he looked to him. “She.” He muttered out, his accent heavy. “You’re having a _girl_?”

“I know what I said,” Joe snapped back. The baby must have woken up from all the yelling and was currently kicking and squirming inside of him. He placed his hand over his stomach, hoping to calm her.

“You’re having a girl,” Ben repeated, looking him up and down slowly. He shook his head, as if in disgust. “That’s impossible.”

“It’s a fifty-fifty chance, Ben,” Joe told him lamely. Male carriers didn’t have more boys than girls or vise-versa. It went both ways. Same as female carriers.

“You’re lying.” Ben accused, swallowing hard as he backed away from the ginger. “This is . . . there is no way.”

“Why the fuck would I lie about that?” Joe asked, hissing when the baby shifted one way, hitting a bit tougher than normal. She was an aggressive little thing, just like her father.

“What is it?” Ben asked, his eyes settling on his stomach. He was watching Joe so carefully, yet also so oddly. Like he was something to study rather than just a regular human being.

“She’s kicking.”

“What?”

“Kicking! She’s fucking moving around in my stomach. Babies do that.” Joe lifted his gaze, finding Ben standing there was a pained expression. “Do you seriously not believe me?”

Against his better judgment, Joe reached out and took hold of Ben’s wrist, pulling his hand in and lifting up his hoodie so he could press his palm against the firm mound of his stomach. After a moment, the baby began shifting against, hitting the spot, again and again, confirming her existence.

“Still think it’s a lie, asshole?” He quipped, smirking to himself. He was proud, showing off his bare bump and his active little girl. Ben was still staring, his expression tense and strained.

He looked like he was about to rip away, to turn and run and that would be the last Joe ever saw of Ben but instead, he stood there, his hand pressed against his stomach as he released a strained breath.

The blond swallowed hard, gasping slightly as his hand began to shake. When he did pull away, his hand flew up to his chest, his fingers tugging at the neck of his muscle shirt to make skin and skin contact. He rubbed there slowly, his eyes closing tightly as he stumbled back, nearly falling into a nearby trash can in the process...

Joe had always been an intense person and sometimes his anxiety got the best of him. He knew what a panic attack looked like when he saw it. “Ben?” He asked carefully. He didn’t touch him. He knew better than that. “Breathe buddy.”

“I . . . I have to go.” Ben told him, shaking still. He was looking around the park as if it finds an exit.

“Do you . . . where do you live? Is it close?” All he got back was a shake of his head. He watched as Ben rubbed his chest, trying his best to soothe himself over and over but to no avail. “Do you . . . I live close.”

Joe didn’t expect for his evening to turn out like this. And when the thought of meeting Ben again came into his mind, inviting him back to his home was the least likely thing to happen. Yet the man looked like he was ready to jump out of his own skin and even despite their conflict, Joe took pity on him.

Ben finally turned his head to look back at Joe, their eyes linking for a few seconds. Once again all the ginger got back was a nod. Carefully, they made their way back to the track and out onto the street as Joe led him off to his home for the second time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey! What do you think about this story thus far? Our boys have been reunited and things are about to get fucking wild! 
> 
> PS, tell us your favorite ABBA song in the comments!!!


	5. Waterloo

**_Waterloo I was defeated, you won the war_ **   
**_Waterloo promise to love you forever more_ **   
**_Waterloo couldn't escape if I wanted to_ **   
**_Waterloo knowing my fate is to be with you_ **   
**_Waterloo finally facing my Waterloo_ **

This was real. Joe was serious. From the outside, Joe did not look any different than when they spoke three months prior in a cafe. Then Ben’s hand was placed on an evident bump under Joe’s hoodie. Whatever was inside Joe made itself known, kicking hard, practically punching Ben’s hand away with all its little might.

 

Ben had used the last three months to forget the ginger. Forget his plea to listen to him. Forget to explain that something like male carriers was a thing and it was now a reality for the soon to be 30 years old. Joe never attempted to contact Ben again. Usually, people having babies were rather persistent for their baby-daddies to be involved. And yet, here is Joe, living his life with a baby bump, yelling at the Brit that he can care for their baby girl all by himself. _Girl._ There was a living bundle inside someone he lusted over months ago. And it was a girl. Fucking fate had a weird way of displaying itself.

 

Ben couldn’t handle it. Couldn’t handle Joe’s screams (even though they were justified), couldn’t help finding out the gender or the fact that Joe was perfectly fine not having him in his life. Yes, Ben said some choice words but Ben was really a softy who was hospitalized twice in his adult life - once in relation to his sister and the second because of his girlfriend. Only his best mates back home in London and his aunt, not even his parents, knew about those hospitalizations.

 

Fuck, Ben thought he was getting better at controlling his attacks. But nope, there he was, in the middle of central park, suddenly forgetting where he was. Everything became a blur and he couldn’t breathe. Ben tried to cope by rubbing his hand on his chest but it didn’t work. Ben wondered how long Joe was going to stand there until he thought ‘What a fuckin psycho’ and left him to his own devices.

 

Instead, Joe asked him to breathe. Then asked where he lived. Ben forgot. He literally forgot his address. Ben only nodded, losing his words. Joe must have known what panic attacks were because suddenly, Ben was whisked out of the park and taken to Joe’s apartment, where their bundle was created in the first place. How fitting.

 

“Water. Drink it. You look like a ghost.” Joe said dryly, handing a glass over and settling Ben on the couch, not sitting because he seemed to head to the fridge for something to eat or something.

 

Ben drank the glass in two gulps. He hand was still on his collarbone, rubbing it. It didn’t help. Fuck. He needed this to stop. He needed joe to stop looking at him like he was such a Fucking Little bastard who didn’t want someone like him… someone like them.

 

Ben averted his eyes to the floor. The only way Ben realizes that Joe has sat next to him was after a few minutes when the cushion sank. “Yeah… water doesn’t help me sometimes either. You know what calms me nowadays?”

 

Ben thought - alcohol? But Joe was pregnant and couldn’t have alcohol, so Ben had no idea. He lifted his green irises to see Joe holding a stethoscope. Oh god, he — he got it to listen to—

 

“It’s really relaxing. Now I understand why people buy those sound machines. She has become my foolproof sleeping pill.” Joe held the scope out to ben innocently. Ben, with shaky hands, actually took it and put the buds inside his eardrums.

 

Nothing at first. Joe still had to pull up his hoodie and find her whereabouts. This gave Ben a few moments to take some deep breaths, even if they still didn’t help much.

 

“Alright. Let’s find her, shall we?” Joe pulled up his hoodie, the bump looking more like a pregnancy tummy when he sat down. Joe moved the scope around, waiting for the moment when Ben would react.

 

After a shift to the left, then to the right and down, Ben gasped. _Ba-bum. Ba-bum._

 

Joe smiled lightly and Ben placed a hand over his mouth. He didn’t need to catch his breath anymore. He was breathing. This Fucking thing was working miracles. His nerves began to settle and instead of his vision is blurry and lost, tears pooled around his lids.

 

Joe let Ben listen for a few more minutes before he gently took the scope from Ben’s ears, “See. She works miracles.”

 

Because of her, Ben finally found words again, “Joe... I’m. I’m so so sorry... I believe you. Oh god, I believe you.”

 

Joe let out a soft chuckle, “I sure hope so after you heard her. She may have been just beating for you but she was doing somersaults against my kidney”

 

“Is she still doing it?” Ben said, leaning a bit closer to Joe, even if just to get the best look at the mound of firm skin.

 

“Thankfully she stopped when you started talking. Guess she likes you.” Joe uttered sarcastically.

 

“She doesn’t need to like me. You are right... I don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve her.” Ben wanted to reach a hand out to Joe’s stomach but stopped himself, knowing that it was joes body. He made the decisions on where to be touched and clearly, Joe wanted Ben to stay at a distance.

 

“If you are going to act like some selfish prick who doesn’t put her first, then no, you don’t deserve her.” Joe pulled down his hoodie, bringing his arms over his chest.

 

“What if I want to put her first?” Ben suggested, almost in a whisper.

 

“You didn’t for the last three months. How the hell can I believe that it will be in different after tonight?”

 

“Joe — I’ve .. I’ve been burned. And please, it’s not a complete excuse and you can fucking keep calling me a wanker for the next four months but I have been tricked. In modeling, in acting. I have a restraining order against someone who thinks of my looks and not anything but that. I was skeptical. But I looked it up after we met again. And I thought you’d call again, asking to reconsider. But you didn’t and I honestly thought you were just joking.. but shit, it’s real. Sorry, she’s real and Joe, I’m so sorry.”

 

Joe shook his head, “Rami tried to reach out you-you didn’t answer any calls. He was actually going to speak with your agent but I told him not to bother.” Joe admitted somberly. “You are still not forgiven completely.”

 

Ben gave a stiff nod. “Yeah... I deserve that.”

 

Joe let out a loud sigh, “But I’ll forgive you a bit. Okay? And only if you show me that you’ll care for her. I don’t know. Go out with her for a few hours after she is born or whatever baby daddy’s do.”

 

Ben took a shaky breath, realizing that joe still didn’t think that Ben would give them a shot to work it out while Joe was still carrying. So Ben went with it, “I can do that. I practically raised my little sister.”

 

Joe adjusted his posture, looking a little like he was interested in what Ben has to say, “Oh really? How old is she now?”

 

Ben swallowed hard, trying to hold back the tears. Her. She started Ben’s spiral to his attack at the park. Because all Ben saw was a little girl that he loved. And how she was taken away from. And how he believed that he could have done something different to stop it.

 

“She died. Cancer. She was 7.” Ben wiped one tear that made its way out.

 

They were quiet. Far too quiet to either of their likings. “My dad died,” Joe mentioned suddenly. “Two years ago. Cancer too.” Joe nodded as if still processing the loss.

 

Ben lost his sister nearly 10 years ago and he still remembered changing her diapers, taking her to daycare and reading bedtime stories while their parents were out of town for weeks at a time.

 

“Well guess that means we are just two white boys with sob stories. Time to call Ellen.” Joe laughed even though Ben could sense that it was Joe’s coping mechanism.

 

Ben, against his better judgment, moved a hand forward and placed it on Joe’s shoulder, “My deepest condolences.”

 

Joe has him a half-hearted smile, “Thanks.” Ben was searching for Joe’s eyes to look at him and mean what he said. After two years, is he really over it? Finally, Joe’s met Ben’s. And it wasn’t heated. It was soft. It was beautiful. Joe was beautiful.

 

And again, against Ben’s better judgment, Ben inched closer to Joe. And the ginger didn’t pull back. He leaned in too. To the point where Ben felt Joe’s hot breath against his gaping lips.

 

Ben took the final plunge and closed the last inch between them, their mouths syncing perfectly as they did on the dance floor that they made their baby girl.

 

Ben tried to be a gentleman and pull back, trying to make it seem that he wasn’t taking advantage of their losses. And Ben did pull back, only for Joe to force his lips back on his.

 

Ben waited for Joe to continue making the moves. One hand was still placed on Joe’s shoulder while the other was on Joe’s waist, like a gentleman.

 

It felt like hours passed before either came for air. And even when they did, Joe pulled Ben back in for another round. No words were exchanged. Suddenly, on the second round of kisses, Joe repositioned so that Ben was practically laying down (his back arched on the sofa arm) with Joe lightly on top of him.

 

Ben had to change the position of legs to give Joe better access but his thigh pressed against something painfully hard in the process. _Oh._

 

Joe moaned, catching the reflex response by covering his mouth afterward, “Please ignore that. It-it’s been awhile. Just … Ben…”

 

Ben leaned forward and palmed the hardening spot. Joe moaned even louder. “ _Fuck.”_

 

Ben took a hand and forced Joe to look up at him, “May I take you to bed?”

 

Joe shook his head like a madman, “No. I-I can’t. It hurts too much there right now. It’s one of the effects around the 5th month....”

 

Ben leaned forward and kissed Joe sweetly, “I didn’t mean shagging. I meant to just release some of that pent up pressure.”

 

Joe groaned, “You don’t want to see my body... You really don’t.”

 

Ben cocked his head to the side, still cupping Joe’s jaw gently, “But what if I do? I mean, if you’re uncomfortable, you can keep your hoodie on.”

 

Joe wanted to protest but he was clearly so pent up that he needed the release more than anything. “Um… yeah. But on my bed. More comfortable for me.”

 

Ben simply nodded, following Joe’s lead. Joe was serious. He did not take his hoodie off. He got himself on the bed and began to pull down his sweatpants when Ben came over and swatted his hand away.

 

“Let me.” Ben pulled off his pants and boxer briefs in one pull. The blond threw them on the side of the bed and was about to lean down to use his mouth as well as his hands when Joe let out a firm, “No.”

 

Ben obliged, scooting to the side of Joe’s body, a hand landing on his stiff member while his lips went back to work with Joe’s. Joe practically cried when Ben began to pump him. Ben could feel Joe’s face turn scarlet but before Joe could say anything, Ben let his tongue start to explode Joe’s mouth. Now Joe couldn’t say a thing. Even so, Joe whimpered.

 

All the sounds he was making was not helping Ben’s member either but this was not about him. Ben thought about how he could joe make even more sounds, so Ben began to kiss down Joe’s jaw, then neck. Somehow, Ben remembered a spot between Joe’s collarbone and neck that drove joe wild on their night together. Ben kissed, then bit down on that stop and Joe let out an almost feminine moan. Fuck, that really made Ben’s cock twitch.

 

The feverish motions of his hand and biting and sucking at that spot over and over again made joe cum so suddenly, so hard.

 

Ben gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek as the ginger tried to catch his breath. He was in a daze and Ben did that.

 

Right as Ben was about to get up to find a washcloth, Joe pulled at Ben’s pants, “Your turn?”

 

Ben swatted his hand away, “This is not about me.” Ben stood up, running awkwardly to the bathroom with his hard-on, and throwing joe a washcloth from the bathroom. “I’ll be right back. Wash yourself up, love.” Ben gave Joe his privacy and jerked himself off in the process

 

When Ben returned from the bathroom, he didn’t expect Joe to be sound asleep with only his boxer briefs. But there he was. Sweet thing.

 

Ben couldn’t help but smile. He strolled over, removed all the clothes from the day from Joe’s bed and folded them nicely on the corner. He was about to pull the blanket completely over Joe’s naked abdomen when he took a chance, leaned down right in front of Joe’s growing bump, and kissing her goodnight before doing the same to Joe’s forehead.

 

~*~

 

Ben slept on the couch. Ben got up early and found out the Joe did not have much in his fridge.

 

After his daily morning jog, Ben decided he’d help the ginger and grab some essentials. Yes, Joe was still asleep and couldn’t protest but Ben figured he’d be even a little appreciative. He also got them breakfast. He didn’t know what Joe liked or didn’t like at this point, so he guessed, figuring that he’d learn along the way.

 

10 AM and made his way back to Joe’s place. He also didn’t tell him that he took his keys so that he could return and not disturb the ginger. He wasn’t going to give him all the essentials and bolt without a word like he did last time. No. Joe was going to know Ben was going to be there.

 

Just as he was dropping their breakfast and groceries down on the kitchen counter and he heard a light pounding coming from the bedroom.

 

Ben decided to investigate, also bringing their breakfast along with them.

 

“You little fucking dumbass! Why the fuck did you bring him back to your place? Oh yeah, of course! You just _had_ to help and lend a hand. And then he lent you a hand! And now you won’t see that posh little bitch again. Little shit is probably on his way to some shoot, boasting to all his Richie riches that he made some pathetic Yankee cum after like five strokes! How could you be so fuckin stupid? Huh? God Dammit!”

 

Joe was walking back and forth, talking to himself, kicking the dresser every time he came near it before he turned back. Ben couldn’t see if the ginger was crying but he heard Joe’s voice crack and Ben’s heart sank. Needless to say, the blond made a promise that he’d never, ever go and leave Joe without a word ever again.

 

“I hope you like egg sandwiches,” Ben announced, holding two out for the ginger.

 

“Ben?!” Joe yelped, obviously caught off guard. He laughed awkwardly, going to stand in an awkward stance and smile like he didn’t just tell himself off. “How um, how much of that did you hear?”

 

“Probably more than I should. Do you always talk yourself down in the morning?”

 

“More or less.” He admitted, his cheeks turning as scarlet as his hair.

 

“You sad, little man.” Ben chuckled, moving in to pull Joe into an embrace, one the ginger easily relaxed into.

 

Just as their little girl's heartbeat, Joe’s embrace was just as calming for the blond. The blond was ready to melt into the embrace for the remainder of the morning when a _ping_ hit his left hand, which was resting peacefully on Joe’s waist. Oh hello, baby girl.

 

“Looks like someone is awake.” Ben shifted his hand on Joe’s stomach so that he could feel her hit the spot more clearly. Joe did not force Ben’s hand away as Ben followed the frantic swimmer.

 

“You brought food. She loves food, like me. My literal food baby.” Joe commented, pulling back from their embrace but allowing Ben’s hand to keep its spot under the hoodie.

 

Joe took hold of both egg sandwiches that were in Ben’s right hand. When Joe began to move so that he could take a spot with his sandwiches in the living room, Ben didn’t retreat his hand. Joe chuckled.

 

“If you are that attached, let me get some salt and ketchup and I’ll pull up my hoodie for you to continue feeling her dance routine on my bladder.” Joe waited a moment to search in Ben’s gaze for him to say something like, oh, that wasn’t his intention or that he had his fill for the day and he was going to go.

 

Instead, the two young men grabbed supplies for breakfast, the blond explaining that the ginger had barely anything in the fridge so that he got him some essentials. Ben set his breakfast supplies down on the coffee table and let Joe start eating without him as he put the groceries away. Joe explained through a mouthful of egg that he was _going_ shopping soon. Ben rolled his eyes and said he believed him even though he didn’t.

 

When groceries were in, Ben unwrapped his egg sandwich and plopped himself on the couch next to the ginger. Joe mentioned something about a text he had received from someone named Lucy and how she had to take Rami to the hospital because he fell off the bed and _definitely_ broke something.

 

“So. If we’re going to move on from this point, I think it’s best we get some of the little things out of the way.” Ben mentioned to him.

 

“Like what?” Joe asked, his mouth still full of his (now practically devoured) sandwich.

 

“I want a blood test,” Ben announced carefully. “It’s not that I don’t believe you or think you sleep around. I just have to be one hundred percent sure.”

 

“No, no. I . . . I get it, Ben.” Joe insisted, crumbling up the now empty wrapper of his first sandwich. He reached back, shooting it into the trash can across the way. “We could go later. I’m sure Dr. Lee would like to meet you.”

 

Ben gave a swift nod, turning his attention back onto his meal. He watched as Joe opened up his second sandwich, groaning as his hand fell onto his stomach.

 

“She still moving?” Ben asked, a smile creeping onto his lips.

 

“More than ever,” Joe grumbled, rubbing the same place he had the night before.

 

Without a second thought, Ben reached out to replace Joe’s hand, pressing into his stomach to feel the happy kicks and _bump-bump-bump_ of her heartbeat.

 

And there they were. Eating egg sandwiches with Ben’s hand on the ginger’s stomach all throughout the breakfast exchange. Joe sent him a glare that spoke loudly enough. He wanted the test and yet he was still so bloody excited to have this fantastic creation in his life.

 

Ben didn’t know that this was going to be but it was something. Something that Ben wanted to be a part of.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope you absolute adored this chapter! Ben is back and the ship is in full swing!
> 
> Also, not to be a braggy cunt, but I'M FUCKING SEEING CHER TONIGHT AND SHE IS PERFORMING ABBA SONG! If you haven't noticed, every chapter is named after an ABBA song because that band is literally everything. 
> 
> Please tell us everything you thought down below. Seriously, the responses keep us going.


	6. Honey, Honey

**_Honey, honey, touch me baby, aha, honey, honey_ **  
**_Honey, honey, hold me baby, aha, honey, honey_ **  
**_You look like a movie star (look like a movie star)_ **  
**_But I like just who you are (I like just who you are)_ **  
**_And honey, to say the least, you're a dog-gone beast_ **

 

Joe spent the final stages of his second trimester hating himself. Utterly and completely despising everything about himself. The way he felt and the way he looked hit him harder than anything. His back was hurting more and more as the days went on and he was starting to wonder if he’d even be able to walk when he was eight months. 

 

He blamed it on his shitty posture over the years. Lounging back without a single fucking care about the consequences. He thought of all the times his mother would tell him to sit up straighter, and he’d just roll his eyes and slump down further. As a dance instructor, she used to tape rulers to the backs of the little girls in her ballet class. 

 

She used to threaten to do the same to Joe, but she never made good on that threat though Joe wished now that she had. Maybe it would have saved him some discomfort. 

 

The truth was, Joe couldn’t even fully process how much he hated what he was turning into. He always had a bit of a tiny stomach. He’d never be the type of man to have rock hard abs no matter how much he worked out. And he did work out for a time being. When he first came to New York he joined a gym to get in shape and get rid of the freshman fifteen he had gained throughout college. 

 

It worked and he was pretty damn healthy for the years that passed. Sure, he drank beer and ate garbage, but he also walked nearly everywhere and made sure to eat the good shit too. He took care of himself then and he took even better care of himself now that the baby there. He gave into some of the cravings, but he also took his vitamins and did his yoga and walked around just the same through his feet were killing him more often than not. 

 

He just looked so . . . wrong. His body just wasn’t proportioned correctly. His stomach was low and growing wider each day. His face was still slim, making him look like he had an obnoxiously large beer stomach.

 

He knew it was meant to be like this and he wasn’t the only person to go through these changes, but Joe couldn’t help but be selfish. He always knew he wasn’t the hottest guy around, but thinking himself as ugly never came around.

 

But here he was, feeling like a grotesque beast who didn’t make sense and was constantly being kicked from the inside. He didn’t talk about it with anyone other than Lucy, who would comment that he was acting silly and dumb. He was creating life and that was the most beautiful thing in the world and anybody who thought differently was absolutely daft. 

 

The thing was however, Joe didn’t go around wearing a shirt that said “Baby on Board” so anybody who saw him just thought of him as some fat weirdo and not a walking medical miracle. 

 

His clothing style has remained the same, though it didn’t matter much. He was growing wider and his shirts were no longer fitting right. He spent a good portion of his time wearing sweats because that’s all that fit and allowed him to be comfortable. However, he only owned so many sweats and eventually had to take care of laundry and he couldn’t take care of that in anything but his underwear.

 

He stood in front of his mirror, trying on every single article of clothing he owned. Tee shirts were pointless because all they did was cling to his body in such a horrible matter. Everything just felt tight around him, like he was being smothered and he hated it. 

 

He threw another shirt onto the floor, adding it to the pile of things he just wanted to go from his sight when he heard the familiar accent coming from behind him. 

 

Ben was standing there, smiling with food in his hand. He always had food whenever he stopped by and he always fucking stopped by. Which was good. He should be stopping by. This was his kid too and the fact that he actually wanted to be involved made Joe felt all warm and fuzzy inside.  

 

They both had their issues, but they were trying and that was all that mattered. However, it also seemed like Ben was trying to keep Joe far too well fed for his own liking. He made sure that he had veggies and fruit and protein, all the shit that pregnant people needed, but he also came by with sweets and treats every now and then. 

 

“Lo mein. You were texting about it at seven am so I hope the craving is still strong.” He mentioned, swinging the Chinese container lightly in his hand. 

 

“You’re a terrible influence,” Joe muttered. 

 

In any other world, Joe would have thought that being shirtless around a guy like Ben, looking the way he does, would have been another type of embarrassing. But Ben had already seen him without a shirt. There was no hiding anymore. Besides, he was more than happy to offer the man endless kisses whenever he wanted. 

 

They were . . . an item. Not really. Once the DNA test came in revealing that Ben was, in fact, the (second) father, the two found themselves in a somewhat budding relationship. They agreed to co-parent the baby as equally as possible. After their little heart to heart, the deep conversations continued on. Joe confessed that he had never been in a truly serious relationship and the only one Ben had been in ended due to his ex cheating on him with a close friend.

 

Both had been so burnt by the romance that they just weren’t looking for that anymore. The only love they cared about currently was the one they had for their daughter and Joe was content with that. 

 

Walking passed him Joe grabbed the container, accepting a kiss on the cheek from the blond as he walked out of his bedroom and into the sitting room where he settled on the couch. Ben followed in suit, plopping beside him to offer a fork. Joe gave up on chopsticks during his pregnancy; all they did was slow him down. 

 

“So how is my little princess doing today?” Ben asked him popping open his own container so they could eat together. 

 

“You’re little warrior princess is sitting on my freaking bladder and has made me piss about six times since noon.” 

 

They had their little chat about what they wanted for their daughter. Joe didn’t want to shove her into this box of things expected of her because she was female. If she wanted to do ballet, then she would. If she wanted to play sports, then he’d coach her team. He’d support her any which way she wanted to live her life. 

 

Ben was on the same page, more or less, though he was more relaxed about it. He wasn’t thinking of the future, but rather now. He was excited to meet her, to hold her and cherish every moment that came and now worries about gender roles and all that bullshit. 

 

“She’s an annoying little shit, just like me,” Ben said, his smile bright and very, very proud. 

 

“Benjamin!” Joe reached over, slapping his shoulder as he held his fork in his mouth to free his hand. “Don’t call our unborn child names! Jackass.” 

 

“All right. I’ll wait until she’s born, waking us up in the middle of the night. Then I’ll call her an annoying little shit.” 

 

“She’s not going to be annoying. She’ll be hungry or need to be changed or just want to be held. Stop being mean.” Joe ran his hand over his stomach, petting it gently. “Papa didn’t mean it. He’s just dumb.” 

 

“Papa?” Ben asked, his mouth full of chicken and broccoli. He swallowed hard, pointing his chopstick at Joe. “Why am I, Papa?” 

 

“Because I’m the one who is pregnant.” 

 

“Yes, but I am the one who got you pregnant. That makes me daddy.” 

 

“No, that makes you irresponsible.” Joe fired back. “Besides, what am I supposed to be called? Cause if you think I’m going by Mama, you can walk right out that door, mister.” 

 

“Why don’t you go by Papa?” 

 

He and Lucy had talked it over after their last yoga class while waiting in line for their weekly bubble tea treat. There were a whole bunch of names online for male carriers and what to call them. None of them really struck Joe in a comfortable manner. All he wanted to be called was daddy or dad like his own father was. He chose early on in the pregnancy to take this as seriously as possible and he deserved the title of such. 

 

“Because I am the one who is putting up with looking like a fucking sideshow freak and dealing with the side effects of the pregnancy. Not to mention, I’ll also be the one sliced open to get her out, so I think I get first to pick of out titles and I choose Daddy.” 

 

“Valid points,” Ben grumble quietly. “Papa doesn’t sound too bad. Quite posh, actually. I could get used to it.” He mentioned, picking up another piece of broccoli and offering it to Joe so eat. “And you don’t look like a freak.” 

 

Joe leaned forward, taking the piece into his mouth. He scoffed at the comment, chewing the grease vegetable up and swallowing before speaking again. “Oh, bullshit. I look like an abomination.” 

 

“Stop that,” Ben snapped, his voice tight. His green eyes that Joe found himself longing to look into as of late were narrowed as they zoned in on him. “You’re gorgeous.” 

 

Joe rolled his eyes, shifting on the couch as he turned his attention back onto his noodles. “You have to say that. You got me into this situation.” 

 

“We both got ourselves into this situation and I don’t have to say a damn thing,” Ben told him. He was quiet for a moment, just watching him for a few lingering seconds before reaching out to take Joe’s container. He walked off, going into the kitchen to put both containers into the fridge. 

 

“I was eating that!” Joe called after him. “Do you not want your daughter fed?”

 

“Grab your hoodie, we’re going out,” Ben shouted, slamming the door of the fridge. 

 

“What? Ben, come on. No. I don’t want to go out today.” 

 

Joe had been feeling down for the past few days. He was glad that he had the opportunity to work at home. He stayed in his editing room, doing a bit of writing while Rami went out into the real world and met with people to talk about their latest film on the circuit. 

 

Ben was a determined bastard however and threw Joe his hoodie from where it was sitting on the back of one of the kitchen chairs. Joe whimpered, pouted deeply as he pulled it over himself, hiding his stomach once more. 

 

“Why do you hate me?” 

 

“I don’t. Quite the opposite actually. Now come on. I have a surprise.” 

 

Joe groaned out, finding his shoes and grabbing his keys and wallet before following Ben out. Ben, the only idiot in the city who owned a car, drove Joe all the way uptown, into an area that Joe never dared to go into. Sometimes he would forget what Ben did for a living. Well, correction, he never forgot. 

 

Ben was by far the most gorgeous person Joe had never met, so it was quite obvious that he would work with his looks. He made a very pretty penny working as a model so he lived uptown in a swanky little loft that Joe had seen a time or two. 

 

Truth was, Joe was content with his own little downtown space that would be big enough for him and the baby. He thought about moving but thought it was pointless, especially since Rami swore one day they’d be running off to California to make big-time movies. Until then, he would stay in his quaint space in the city. 

 

Ben stopped by nightly. It was like clockwork. Sometimes they’d hang out and have dinner. Other times he would stay over, otherwise, he’d just pop in for the moment to say goodnight to his girl. 

 

Ben handed the keys off to the valet, which was slightly terrifying to Joe. This place was so fancy that someone was outside, waiting to have the car parked for them. Like, what the actual fuck. 

 

He allowed Ben to pull him along the street, into a store that Joe would never think to even glance at if he was walking past. “You can’t be serious,” Joe muttered, staring at the blond as they entered. 

 

“Oh, but I am,” Ben told him, his smile bright and bubbly. “You don’t have clothes that fit right? Then let’s get you some.” 

 

“Ben, I can’t afford anything in here,” Joe mentioned. He looked around, grabbing a pair of stocks that hung on an end cap and checked the price. “They’re sixty dollars, Ben. Do you know how many fucking lattes I could buy with sixty dollars?” 

 

“You can’t have any lattes, love,” Ben replied innocently 

 

Joe fought the urge to slap his stupidly pretty face with the socks. 

 

Ben stepped forward, placing his hands on Joe’s shoulders, leaning in so they were eye to eye. “You’re lovely and I’m going to prove it to you. I’ve worked with the designer many times, I trust their clothing. Don’t worry about the price. I’ll handle everything.” 

 

“We should be saving our money for the baby, not to buy me some designer brand name clothing that won’t fit me in six months,” Joe told him. 

 

“Always so uplifting, Joseph,” Ben muttered, patting his back before turning around and towards the racks. “If I remember correctly, you once said I was something along the line of ‘stupid rich’ so I say we have a bit of fun, right? Marshall!” 

 

An older man came over, smiling as he shook Ben’s hand. “Ah! Mr. Hardy. Welcome back. Another award show?” 

 

Ben laughed it off like it was something silly and not a fucking award show. God, sometimes he forgot how annoying this man was. Oh wait, Joe would never forget that. 

 

“No, no. Actually, I was hoping you could help us.” Turning around, he grabbed onto Joe’s hand and pulled him forward. “This is Joe. He needs some clothes. Think you can work your magic and make him look fabulous?” 

 

The older man looked Joe up and down. He waited for him to scoff, to turn his snooty nose up and say that Joe was far too much of a challenge to dress, but instead he gave a swift nod. “For you, Mr. Hardy, I will make it happen. Come, come.” 

 

With a quiet groan, Joe followed the man to the back and undressed for him. He felt naked and old in his boxers, knowing damn well he looked disgusting. Instead of commenting, Marshall did his job and continued to go around and measure him. Joe explained to the man that he didn’t have to put much effort in because his body would be changing soon enough. 

 

Marshall just shrugged, insisting that his clothing would adapt to the change. Joe didn’t know what that meant. How the hell did clothing adapt? Joe wondered if rich people just had clothing that could change around with them. He wanted to roll his eyes, but he was too busy being pushed away into the changing room and handed off random clothing options. 

 

Shirts and pants were a must, but there were also some jackets and he guessed were clothes that were meant to be a bit more relaxed. Joe dressed, showing himself off to Marshall to hear his opinions. He refused a few pieces of clothing and praised others. Finally, it seemed he had a good idea of what looked good on him. 

 

After a bit of time, he was given a whole new selection of clothes. Joe hadn’t tried on this many outfits in his entire lifetime. How the hell Ben did it for a profession was baffling. Speaking of the blond — Joe yelped when the man pulled the curtain open. 

 

“Don’t do that!” The ginger hissed, nearly dropping the shirt he was holding. 

 

“I want to see!” Ben argued. 

 

“Let me finish then.” He snapped, closing the curtain. The clothing felt expensive. Incredibly so. With a sigh, he dressed, pulling on the pants and buttoning them. They settled nicely at his hips and the shirt clung in the places it was supposed to, unlike the tee shirts he had at home that made him feel heavy and tight. 

 

The colors worked well for his features; blue really did make his hair and eye color pops out more. He didn’t look . . . terrible. With a sigh, he stepped out, holding his arms out to show Ben, who found a spot across the way. “Well?” 

 

The blond lifted his head, those misty green eyes zoning in on Joe as he circled around, checking himself out in the mirror. He looked decent enough. Not hideous. The clothes hide his body well enough. Didn’t focus on the bad parts, but rather the good. Like his ass and biceps. He could work with this type of attire for the next three months. 

 

He turned back, ready to ask Ben what he thought but his words were cut off by Ben smashing their lips together. It was one of those needy, smearing kisses. Ben was holding his face tightly in his hands, catching him off guard as they stumbled back through the curtain, his back slamming against the wall in the process.

 

That would hurt later and he made a mental note to snap at him for it, but right now they had other things on their minds. Or at least Ben certainly did. 

 

“I’ll take that as you like it,” Joe muttered heavily as soon as his lips were free. 

 

“Love it?” Ben asked, running his lips down along Joe’s chin and neck. “God, you don’t get it, to do you? You have no bloody idea.” 

 

Joe literally has no idea, but he didn’t seem to mind. They had shared kisses before and yes, they did get into a bit of make-out session time or two since Joe and Ben decided to work this out. Joe wasn’t ready for sex because how the fuck could anybody find him attractive at this point, but as of lately, he was beginning to get pent up. 

 

He jerked off multiple times a week, usually in the shower like the loser he was. He never told Ben, because for one, he’d probably laugh or two, try to pity fuck him and there was nothing worse than a pity fuck. 

 

Ben continued to move down, kissing along Joe’s collarbone as his hands fumbled with Joe’s pants, releasing them as he knelt down to the ground. 

 

“Ben! What . . . oh my god.” 

 

“I think it’s time I showed you just how bloody sexy I think you are?” He ran his palm along with Joe’s boxers, easily finding his hardening cock. Joe let out a whimper, the feeling of someone else hand on him too good to be true.

 

“Benny, we’re in public!” 

 

“Not public, love. There’s a curtain.” Ben told him, smirking as he tugged Joe’s boxers down, licking his lips as his cock sprang free. “Hello, darling. Oh, I have missed you.” Ben whispered. Joe groaned, realizing at this man, this fucking man, was speaking to his penis. 

 

And then this man was wrapping his lips around his penis, taking it in so carefully, so deliciously. God, Joe couldn’t remember the last time someone sucked him off. He was pretty sure it was at a college party and the girl was drunk and threw up almost right afterward as he passed out on the couch. 

 

Now he was here, basically in public where the designer could walk back in at any moment. Joe wanted to argue, but the way Ben was using his mouth and his hand, humming around his needy, throbbing member . . . Did Joe want to be selfish okay?

 

So he accepted the man’s intentions, running his fingers through his hair as he tugged tightly and bit down onto his fist. The whole time . . . god, the whole time those eyes were on him. How could someone keep contact with a cock in their mouth? Moaning on that cock and working it up and down. He didn’t understand but his mind was too fuzzy to question it. 

 

He finished rather quickly — pathetically so but he didn’t care. He used his hand to muffle the sounds of his cries and Ben was more than willing to swallow down his love juice. Anything he missed he wiped off onto his hand, smearing it carelessly onto the mirror of the changing space. 

 

When they broke apart, Ben was smiling still. Just as lovely, just as cheeky. He stood and kissed Joe’s cheek, giving him a moment to breathe before heading out. When Joe finally gathered himself, he decided to keep the outfits given to him. 

 

Ben paid for it all, refusing to allow Joe to even see the cost as he merely told Marshall to put it on his tab. They left together, with Joe still wearing the outfit that got his baby-papa all hot and bothered. 

 

They passed Rami of all people on the way out. His foot was braced and he was babbling on about how he needed to be sized for some audition he had. Ben gave him a small commented, a word of advice to watch the mirror before hurrying out.

 

Ben suggested they go for a walk afterward and they found themselves back in central park. They hadn’t been there since Ben’s mini panic attack and while they had obviously grown from that moment, it still seemed so crazy that one tiny mistake led to such a fantastic ending. 

 

No, not an ending. A beginning. A perfect, wonderful beginning for all three of them. 

 

“So, I have been thinking lately,” Ben mentioned as they made their way down towards the water. The weather was wonderful. Summer was in bloom, but it wasn’t scorching hot like Joe was used to. They sat down together, Joe watching as the ducks floated by. 

 

“Thats never a good thing,” He teased, looking over to the blond. 

 

“Cheeky bastard,” Ben commented, his cheeks turning scarlet. “We agreed that, at the end of the day, all that mattered was that the baby was happy.” 

 

“She comes first. Always.” 

 

“And that is how it should be. I can’t ever imagine putting anything before our daughter, Joe. Any parent that would.…” Ben shook his head, swallowing hard. “Anyway. I am happy that we’re doing this. Putting in the effort to be civil for her sake. But I realized something, Joe.”

 

“And what’s that?” The ginger asked, moving closer to the blond now. 

 

“You’re going to be a wonderful father.” He began quietly. “You’re going to make our little girl very happy. And I know that because, in the short time you’ve allowed me into your life, you have made me very happy.” 

 

Joe wanted to call bullshit, but how could he? They had spent every single day together for weeks now and Joe found so much in Ben. He found a good friend he could talk to and a partner to handle this crazy situation with. He found someone who could relate to him on things such as love and loss. They were an odd pair, yes, but a pair nonetheless. 

 

With a tentative hand, Ben reached out to take Joe’s, their fingers lacing as his thumb ran circles along his knuckles. “And I think . . . well, I hope, that I could make you happy too.” 

 

“You do make me happy, Ben.” 

 

Joe never thought this would happen, that he would wind up in this predicament. A year ago he was just a guy finishing up the editing on his latest film. Now he was pregnant with a man holding his hand in such a romantic location. It didn’t seem possible or plausible. It didn’t seem real, but it was. 

 

“Joe, what I am trying to say is that, while I know we both agreed that relationships and all that isn’t important to us, I think we have something good between us. And I’d like to believe that, even if it didn’t work out and we wound up platonic, we’d be able to keep things civil for the baby, just as they are now.” 

 

Dropping Joe’s hand, he cupped his jaw carefully, his thumb running along Joe’s cheek soothingly. “I like you, Joe. And I’d very much like it if you’d agree to be my boyfriend.” 

 

Joe let out a whisper of a laugh. How did he end up with such a posh man? Every word out of his mouth was so prim and proper, even when he was on his knees, getting ready to take him into his mouth. 

 

It wasn’t certain, Joe knew that much. It may not work out the way they want it to. Going for it might as well be pointless, but how could he say no? How could he look into those eyes that he loved so much and deny this mean anything? 

 

It would be hard, making it work, but it would be worth it. And if it blew up in their faces, that was fine too. They’d still be here, ready to welcome their baby with open arms. 

 

“Only if you agree to be mine,” Joe answered him, his smile mirroring Ben’s. 

 

Leaning forward, Joe closed the space between them, kissing Ben on his own for the first time since the night they met. Everything about it felt so comfortable and right. And when the baby started kicking, Joe knew he made the right choice. 


	7. Why Did It Have To Be Me?

**_When you were lonely, you needed a man_ **   
**_Someone to lean on, well I understand_ **   
**_It's only natural_ **   
**_But why did it have to be me?_ **   
**_Nights can be empty and nights can be cold_ **   
**_So you were looking for someone to hold_ **   
**_That's only natural_ **   
**_But why did it have to be me?_ **

 

 

Joe didn’t stop protesting when Ben first offered to move in with him. He didn’t stop when the blond sold his loft on the upper east side, claiming that all the money he got for the place was stashed away in a trust fund for their daughter. He also donated his designer clothes to Hospital for Special Surgeries and Joe groaned that Ben must be a robot to drop his entire life as a rich fuckboy Brit living down to live in a pathetic downtown two-bedroom apartment with a slightly above the average pregnant man.

 

Ben brushed off the ginger’s whines because he knew that Joe just didn’t believe his intentions were true. He rarely did since entering Joe’s life. And he had every right to. Most baby daddies left or only took their younglings on the weekends. But that wasn’t Ben. It would never be Ben.

 

He didn’t want to turn into his parents. Parents who had children on accident and put them in the hands of others. Ben could count on one hand how many times his mother was home to read him a bedtime story as a child or the times when his father would give him tips and tricks on how to be a young man. Instead, Ben was in the hands of others. He was given everything he wanted because his parents had the money to do. But he didn’t want it. He wanted them just to say something other than, “See you next week.”

 

And then Claire was born. Ben was 12. No one would believe that Ben raised her but he did. His parents forgot multiple times to hire a babysitter and witness Ben on multiple occasions, making himself meals and care for his wash, so they guessed that qualified him for parenting.

 

So, there he was, at the age of 12, changing his sister’s diapers and giving her late-night bottles. In secondary school, he’d work on his coursework as he simultaneously potties trained her. He would read her bedtime stories that he picked up from his school’s library and read them before finishing up a school project on the solar system.

 

He felt like a proud father when she started primary school. It did give him a break in his last year of college. He wasn’t so tired every single day because he knew she was being cared for. He still packed her lunch - a cheese sandwich with graphs in a bag shaped like a butterfly. He’d redo her pig-tails every morning and kiss her forehead, telling her to come out smarter than him.

 

And just as he was gaining his energy back from the constant juggling of being a full-time parent and a full-time student, Claire's energy started to decline. Quickly.

 

Ben’s parents ignored it at first. They claimed that they saw no difference but they weren’t around her enough to notice the slight changes in her complexion or her loss of dexterity when she drew Benny a pretty picture by the water.

 

Childhood cancer. By the time it was found in her system, she had six months. The doctors told the family that it was so advanced that it was better to enjoy the time they had left with her. Ben remembered his parents showing an ounce of sadness for the first time in his life. He felt selfish for a moment, wishing that they could have once shown him such emotions but instead, he pushed his emotions far down. So far down that, days after his sister’s funeral, Ben was hospitalized. He couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t remember where he was.

 

The doctors called it a severe panic attack, onset by his sister’s death. His parents did not visit him. The doctors prescribed some pills but Ben threw them away right when he released. Back at home, with his parents, of course, not home, he began to pack. He had some set of valuables of his own but he didn’t forget Claire’s Woody doll or the bracelet he bought with his allowance on her fifth birthday - a gold bracelet with an infinity sign. “Benny...how much you love me?” She would ask every night, holding her Woody tight as Ben sat with another borrowed goodnight tale, “To infinity and beyond” He cooed, leaning over to tossel her blond locks before she fell asleep on his lap. Infinity. It felt like poison on his lips when he said such a word after her passing. Her time on Earth was so short.

 

How can someone like God ever let such a beautiful girl leave this world so early? And even though he did not believe that the infinity symbol meant a thing, in reality, he still held part of her through the bracelet.  

 

A week after he was released, Ben transferred money from his savings account to a new account, bought a one-way ticket to America and never looked back.

 

“I can’t believe you only have three boxes. Your place was huge!” Joe exclaimed as he looked through half-empty boxes on his way to get leftovers from the fridge.

 

Ben was on the couch, taking a break from unpacking to do some Googling. Right now, he was spiraling down a hole of the disadvantages of being a mail carrier at month 7.

 

Joe was at the start of month 7. He was showing now, there was no question about it and Ben found it the cutest thing. How Joe would huff and pace back and forth in the living room if he couldn’t figure how to write a scene for his screenplay, his belly protruding out more as he huffed, hands on his hips. So cute.

 

Or when he unconsciously patted his stomach when he was thinking way too hard about what he wanted for dinner, as if to wake her up and get her opinion on the matter.

 

“It was large, yes, but even you saw...I didn’t have much in it.” And it didn’t feel like home. He never felt like home. Yes, Joe’s apartment was overcrowded by baseball memorabilia, notebooks half-written with screenplay ideas, film strips and other supplies sprawled on the couch and bookshelves but it made it feel like so personal. So Joe. And Ben wanted to be a part of that.

 

Joe scrunched his face, completely flabbergasted that Ben would decide to leave all that behind for this. What Ben held back was that, ever since he set foot in Joe’s downtown apartment, he felt more at home than years at his loft uptown.

 

“Did you ever read this article, love?” Ben questioned after a few months of silence, Joe reheating a pasta meal.

 

“I did enough reading on male carriers when it was just me and the baby. What now?” Joe slowly made his way to the couch, no longer as bendy enough to playfully bounce onto the couch.

 

“It says here that most male carriers start to have a bit of depression because they stop being able to masturbate or top after month seven.” Ben continued to scroll down the article with a pout.

 

“Yeah...how can we? I can’t even see my ding-a-ling anymore.” The ginger remarked before shoving a mouthful of pasta into his mouth.

 

“Well...I’m here. You don’t need to masturbate anymore, right? I did well enough the other night, yeah?” Ben eagerly questioned as he settled the laptop down. A week after becoming an item, Ben finally convinced Joe to try to be even more intimate than they already were. He told Joe that he would do most of the work and to just enjoy himself. And from all the animalistic noises that spewed from Joe’s mouth, Ben believed he did. Since then, Ben has convinced the ginger to go jogging in the morning with him and making love in the afternoon or before bed. Their odd exercise routine.

  


“Our neighbors called two nights ago to tell me to shut the fuck up, so yes. You did a good job, Benny.” Ben beamed at this statement though he wasn’t 100 satisfied after reading the article. Can’t top anymore. Joe joked about being team bottom bitch when he was with men and that he enjoyed it thoroughly. And Ben didn’t mind obliging but now he was left wondering...wondering if Joe ever wondered about being the more dominating one. And Ben shamelessly wondered what Joe would feel like the inside of him. He wasn’t so curious about the latter until he met Joe, he had to admit.

 

Ben suddenly took the plate of pasta away from Joe. “Stop starving our daughter!” He fake cried.

 

Ben rolled his eyes and pulled Joe up to stand, “Come on, we are going to go prove them wrong.”

 

“Who?”

 

“The article.” Ben leaned in, bit at Joe’s ear playfully and whispered, “Fuck me.”

 

Joe laughed nervously, obviously turned on, “Ben...Benny. I can’t...we never.” Joe leaned back and watched as Ben’s eyes turned from minty green to a dark, hidden forest.

 

“Always a first, right, love?” Ben announced, giving Joe a peck before pulling him into their bedroom.

 

Joe continued to talk his way through Ben’s request, still not completely convinced about what Ben was asking him to do, “Do you have a pregnancy kink or something?” Joe’s words were cut short by Ben’s tongue. While Joe continued to blabber about an old friend who clearly wasn’t in a happy marriage, Ben had already stripped completely naked.

 

“Why do I have to have a kink for wanting to have sex with my boyfriend?” Ben quizzed as he pulled Joe’s sweatpants down. Ben snorted at the fact that Joe had become so lazy that he no longer wore boxers under his sweatpants. Sweatpants down and Joe was already at half-mast.

 

“Because you look like a greek god and I look like I let myself go after my husband left me.” Ben pushed Joe toward the bed, never rolling his eyes so hard.

 

“You are done now? Yeah? Besides…” Ben took hold of Joe’s head and brought their lips together in a feverish, passionate kiss. When breath needed to be taken, Ben finished his statement, “Let’s call this the last thing I do to get your forgiveness for not being there for you and our daughter for the first few months.”

 

Ben began to kiss along Joe’s jawline and then down to his collarbone and Joe groaned, “I already said you have been completely forgiven. Ben...you don’t have to do this.”

 

Ben lifted his head from Joe’s collarbone to shake his head, “The last thing.” Ben sprang up and found the lube in the nightstand. He had to quickly go back into the living room to grab a roll of condoms. “I may not need these when I top but you need these if I am bottoming.”

 

Joe began to laugh as he caught the role of condoms. “What? You don’t want to be pregnant at the same time as me?” Ben gave Joe a playful shove as he shifted to the center of the bed. “You tell me how to do this,” Ben said, kneeling on the center of the sheets. Joe said nothing but motioned with his finger for the blond to turn over.

 

Much to Joe’s surprise, it did not take him long to take this a bit more serious and take on the more dominating role. Yes, he could no longer see his cock underneath his stomach but he had Ben to guide him through it happily.

 

Joe was in shock, to say the least when he fingered him and found out how tight Ben was. It was only when the second finger was in that Ben confessed that he never bottomed before and that, in reality, Joe was the first one he wanted to bottom for. Joe’s mouth was ajar for a solid moment before getting back to the task at hand.

 

“Joe...stop taking so much time on this and fuck me” Ben groaned, the pain swelling inside of him but trying to let the ginger see it. Ben felt that he needed to go through this pain as payback for all the months he wasn’t there for Joe and also, for the pain that Joe was going through right now, pregnant with his child.

 

“It is going to hurt a lot, Benny,” Joe said, his voice soft, a hand scaling down the arch of Ben’s back.  

 

“Don’t care...don’t care,” Ben stated firmly, grabbing hold of a pillow and ready for Joe to pleasure himself inside of him. And he did. Joe was so sweet about making Ben feel as good as possible even though the blond insisted to do what made him feel good if he did not.

Fast-forward moments after Ben climaxed from Joe realizing that Ben did enjoy himself for one last thrust where Joe gazed his prostate and jerking him off after he tied the condom from cumming inside of him.

 

Ben offered to grab water from the kitchen, but Joe was still too much of a daze to respond. Ben chuckled, leaning down to kiss Joe’s forehead as well as his growing tummy and snaked into the kitchen.

 

As he rummaged through the fridge to find two full water bottles, someone other than his lover entered the apartment. Ben had to fight to laugh hysterical, his naked body and Rami’s wide eyes meeting for the first time.

 

“Joe...I thought I’d come over and tell you about the new scene I wrote for...awe….holy shit.” Rami’s eyes made contact with Ben’s member and he whipped his head around to block his sight with the blond’s God-bod.

 

“Hey, buddy. How is ya doing?” Ben beamed as he took a swing of his water.

 

“Why are you naked? Where’s Joe?” Rami whined, swinging his hand back and forth trying to find the coach blindly.

 

“Rami. Stop being such a straight boy. You know what it looks like. Come on. It doesn’t bite.”

 

Rami groaned, “Joe! Where are you?”

 

Ben directed him toward the bedroom, “In the bedroom. He just fucked me into the Mattress.”

 

Rami wiped his head around, “How are you standing?! Joe!”

 

When Rami did reach the bedroom, Joe was still just as naked as his boyfriend, singing lightly.

 

_You are the dancing queen, youngest queen only 17…._

 

“You broke him!” Rami exclaimed, searching for Ben and finding him a moment later with ramen noodles in his hand.

 

“You ever have pregnancy sex? Every sensation is multiplied ten folds. I’m kind of jealous actually.” Ben shoved a mouthful, smirking like a posh bitch, “Give him a moment. Once he starts telling me that I’m starving his daughter or that I’m going to leave him, he’s back.”

 

Joe let out one more relaxed sigh before shaking his head and making eyes with his boyfriend in the doorway, “Ramen noodles?! And you don’t share. Why do you want our daughter to starve?”

 

Ben strolled over and easily handed over the carton to Joe, “See?”

 

“Joe — how do you even take that?!” Rami exclaimed, flabbergasted.

 

Joe shrugged as he slurped up a long noodle, “One inch at a time.”

 

“I’m out! I’ll text you my scene later... I’m going to go home and I don’t know.. kiss my girlfriend!”

 

Ben stood from his spot next to his boyfriend to stand at the entrance of the bedroom, “Bye Ram. Ram. Mwuah!” Ben blew the male a sweet kiss and Rami grunted with both fists jutting to his sides in frustration, leaving the apartment with a slam of the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So . . . . what did you think? ;D


	8. S.O.S

**_So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me_ **   
**_S. O. S._ **   
**_And the love you gave me, nothing else can save me_ **   
**_S. O. S._ **   
**_When you're gone_ **   
**_How can I even try to go on?_ **

 

 

Joe let out another loud groan, hissing as he arched his back in the somewhat comfortable roller chair he had in his office. He had been dealing with cramps as of late. Dr. Lee had told him that they would come and go and that they weren’t anything to worry about.

Joe took his word for it. Ben did not.

Ben popped his head through the office door, his green eyes wide and focused on Joe as he was hunched over his work desk. “Again?” He asked, his tone frantic.

“Again,” Joe replied, rolling his eyes at the blond.

It was sweet, honestly, it was. Joe wasn’t used to having someone dote on him the way Ben did. He always tried so hard to make sure that the redhead was feeling comfortable, that he and the baby were always one hundred percent. If Joe said his back was hurting, Ben would crack his knuckles and give him a pregnancy-friendly deep tissue massage. If his feet hurt, he’d get a warm foot bath. If he was having the weirdest fucking craving of his life, then he would run out in the middle of the night and drive all the way out to Long Island to get him whatever he needed.

Not to mention that ever since he’s moved in they have basically been getting freaky on the regular. Regular make-out sessions were an ongoing experience for the two, but the sex. God, the sex! Joe hadn’t topped this much since he was with a woman and while he was still team-bottom bitch, he had to admit, being with a guy like him, who was basically withering for it . . . Joe was pleased.

Long story short: Ben was baby-daddy goals.

But sometimes he just got on Joe’s nerves. Maybe it was because he wasn’t used to having someone always around, shadowing him and treating him like he was a fragile little thing. Joe wasn’t fragile and deep down, he knew that Ben knew this, but it just bothered him so much whenever he would release a sigh or a whine and boom! There he was. Waiting on his hand and food as he would fucking break if he did something on his own.

Joe knew there was a deeper meaning to his creations. Ben, though he didn’t mention it, feared the possibility of a miscarriage. Male carriers didn’t have a higher rate, but anything could happen if not taken seriously. So every time the baby moved a certain way or wasn’t kicking as often, as usual, Ben thought the worst.

At first, Joe thought it was sweet. Ben had done a complete one-eighty and was ready to take on the role of a father. He wanted to do everything, even begging Joe to go to a couples class just so they could have the experience of it. Joe refused of course. All the moms there and their judgmental eyes. He’d pass on that.

“Joe, this has been going on long enough. Just lemme take you to hospital.” Ben begged, stepping deeper into the room.

“It's cramped, Benjamin. Fucking Braxton Hicks bullshit.” Joe muttered, his hand clutching his stomach as another roll of pain came his way.

Dr. Lee had explained to him what it would feel like when he was actually ready and this didn’t compare to that. The pain would be ungodly, which was why he had a scheduled c-section in two months. They’d take the baby properly and they wouldn’t have to worry about a large amount of pain.

Instead, he was stuck feeling small amounts of discomfort that came and went. He tried to play it off but to no avail. Joe was a vocal person, all right? He yelled often enough and sometimes yelling helped with the pain. No one could blame him for that. But yelling caught the attention of his boyfriend who would be pacing back and forth, almost in tears as he ran his hand over his chest, trying to relax.

Joe did feel bad and gave into going to see Dr. Lee. He hoped the doctor would be able to calm Ben’s nerves, though at this point it seemed like something would.

“It’s not labor,” Dr. Lee told them after inspecting Joe. “You both must remember that your body isn’t one hundred percent equipped for this as a female’s. The baby doesn’t have the same amount of space, so she’s going to toss and turn and kick you around a bit. That, plus added gas is going to make you feel uneasy.”

“I feel fine. He is the one losing his mind over it.” Joe commented, sending a harsh side eye over to his boyfriend.

“Silly me for giving a shit,” Ben grumbled, his arms tightening as they folded over his chest. “You’re positive that she is all right?”

Dr. Lee fiddled around the with the ultrasound machine, moving the wand a bit until he settled on a good shot of their daughter. “See?” He asked, gesturing to the screen. “Perfectly healthy. Strong heartbeat. She’s just a bit of a tyrant.”

“Oh, she takes after you,” Joe commented, though Ben paid no attention to the weak insult. His eyes were glued onto the screen, onto their little girl. “I’m still safe for travel right?”

They had been planning to visit his mom for weeks now. She was going to come to the city when it was time for the kid to finally leave him, but neither of them had work to do at the moment and Joe wanted to show Ben around his home town.

“I wouldn’t advise flying, but car rides are right. You may have to stop to relieve yourself every so often, but that’s typical.” Dr. Lee insisted. “Though, I must ask, if your friend okay? I saw him early and his girlfriend mentioned he got hurt is a bit too experimental?”

“Rami attempted to use a penis pump because Ben made him feel inadequate,” Joe mentioned, giving a small shrug. “He’s fine, though he won’t be getting laid anytime soon.”

“Just so we’re clear, the baby is going to be alright.” Ben cut in, dipping his head to look directly at Dr. Lee.

Joe lifted his hand, tugging at the blond locks on his boyfriend’s head. “She’s fine. You’re spoiling her with all this worried attention. I don’t need her coming out with a princess complex.”

Ben turned, looking at him with an endearing glance that made Joe want to slap the man. “She’s going to be spoiled regardless.”

Joe rolled his eyes, shoving the man away so Dr. Lee could clean the gunk off his stomach.

Three days later, they were upstate, enjoying the summer weather away from the city. He missed his home town despite being so used to the busy city life. Everything here was so more laid back and the world basically shut down after seven o’clock. There were still things to do, like mini golf and the batting cages, but now that he was in his final trimester, all Joe wanted to do was sit back and enjoy being pregnant.

Ben seemed to like the place well enough. People looked at him like he was a freaking statue that came to life and while the selfish part of him liked having him in his arms and showing him off, it also made him roll his eyes as far back as they could go.

Like honestly, yeah he was hot but there was more to him than just being hot. Over the weeks they spent together, Joe found himself already falling for the man. How could he not? He completely changed his entire life around for their child. Gone was the jerk who only cared about himself and in came the loving partner who was ready to take on this huge challenge without a bat of an eye.

He put up with Joe’s annoying tendencies and showed him that despite looking and feeling the way he does that they were doing something beyond amazing.

There was still a dark part of Joe that felt as if Ben only cared about him because he was carrying his child. And there was another, darker part of him that fully believed that when this was over, and the baby was here, that Ben wouldn’t feel the same. He’d see what Joe sees and he’d realize that the relationship just isn’t worth the effort.

Joe reminds himself of that almost nightly. As if he is mentally preparing for the breakup that he knew would eventually come. And he’d be okay with that. He would be sad, yeah and he would miss Ben but at the end of the day, the only happiness that he was concerned with was their daughters and even if his own heart got chattered, Joe knew there was no way in hell Ben would ever break hers.

It was three days into their five-day stay that Joe finally brought Ben to meet his dad. He felt funny at first, bringing up the idea. He didn’t talk about it often, the pain that came from losing his father. They had their little heart to heart and every now and then when they’re laying in bed together, Ben will mention his sister. He spoke so fondly of her that Joe easily got teary at the very thought of losing someone so wonderful.

But they were back home now and Joe couldn’t very well visit without stopping by to see him. He walked with his hand in hand through the cemetery, making idle conversation before coming up to the headstone. He sat down, like he always did though it was a bit more difficult now with his stomach and all.

“Hey, dad. Sorry, it took me this long to drop by. Kinda been busy.” Joe joked, settling back against the grass. “So. This is Ben. Second father to your next grandchild.”

“Hello, Mr. Mazzello. It’s nice to finally make your acquaintance.” Ben replied back smoothly.

He had been wonderful with his mother. It almost made Joe sick, how polite and posh he could be. How the fuck did an Italian-American boy from freaking Dutchess County wind up with such a man? Truly baffling.

“And before you ask — no, he doesn’t need a green card.” Joe joked, turning to look at the blond. “Dad sort of has a wild sense of humor.” He explained in a careful whisper. “So. Dad. We’re at eight months. Ben and I haven’t come up with a first name yet, but we wanted you to know that her middle name is going to be Josephine.”

“After you and your father. And well, Joe himself.” Ben cut in. “We’re still tossing up a few names. It’s a lot harder than it looks.”

“We sort of just agreed to wait until she is here and then look at her. And if she doesn’t fit any of the names, then we’ll just keep brainstorming.”

“Feel free to send down any ideas. We’re open to suggestion.”

The conversation switched every so often, with Joe giving his father little updates on his work and how he had another idea popping in his head, though he had yet to put it down on paper. He knew his father was proud of him, but he still wished he had been there to see it all play out. To be able to hold his child like he always dreamed he would.

Joe was close to his father to the point where he wanted the man to be his best man at his wedding, though at this point, even if he was alive, there was no marriage in sight. And that was okay. His parents were a bit old fashioned, but it was a new world. Men were carriers and didn’t need a wedding band to make it okay. They’d handle any way they needed to.

He and Ben had a good thing going and if it kept on going, then Joe knew that would be all right too. They were going to be okay, Joe knew this as fact.

“Oh, and Mr. Mazzello. Joseph,” Ben paused. They were preparing to leave, ready to head back into town and grab something to eat for the night. “I don’t . . . I’m not religious in the least. I don’t know where you go when you die, but if you do wind up somewhere and you happen to see a little girl with blond pigtails? Tell her Benny misses her.”

Joe stepped forward, placing his hand on Ben’s shoulder. He knew how hard it was, speaking of his sister. Ben had lost a part of himself when his sister died and it was never something he’d fully recover from. Joe had been lucky to have his father for as long as he did, but no child is ever fully prepared, no matter how old they are.

“He’ll keep an eye on her,” Joe promised softly.

The blond offered a smile. A sad, heartbreaking one that almost had Joe ready to cry on the spot. Lacing their fingers together, Joe pulled Ben along, leaving the cemetery and this place behind.

—

Ben left the room after checking on Joe. He had fallen asleep during another routine watch of Field of Dreams. He cried his eyes out like he always did when the main character got to play catch with the ghost of his father. Ben didn’t get the sentiment but he held Joe as he wept and tucked him in when he finally dozed off.

Making his way into the kitchen, he found Joe’s mother nursing a cup of coffee at the table. She gestured for him to join so he pulled up a chair, sighing softly. “These hormones are a killer.”

“Just wait until month nine.” She mentioned, her eyebrows wiggling devilishly as she hid her face behind her mug. “You surprised me, you know. When Joe first told me about you, I had half a mind to call ICE and get your visa revoked.”

“Now I see where Joe gets his firecracker spirit from,” Ben joked, sitting a bit straighter. “I’m glad you didn’t.”

“I’m glad too. The two of you work well together. When he called to say you had come around and then when he called to say you were dating, I was a bit shocked.”

“We moved rather quickly, I know,” Ben mentioned, his hands clenching and unclenching. “I think he’s scared. I know he cares about me, but he is so focused on the baby that focusing on anything is just too much for him.”

“Joey has always been a bit of a scatterbrain. I remember when he was young and we’d put him in acting classes he would get to caught up in these imaginary roles that he would lie awake and worry about them. When he started writing, he would put so much feeling into his characters, making them as realistic as possible to the point where he would get upset on their behalf if something happened to them.”

“He’s a talented man. I’ve seen his films. He knows what he is doing.”

“With writing, yes. In real life, not so much. But then again, when do any of us know what we’re doing?”

“Touché.”

They sat there, neither really saying much. Mrs. Mazzello continued to drink and Ben continued to sit, enjoying her company. Their days were winding down and soon Ben could be back in the city with Joe and the next time they’d see one another would be when the baby was to be born.

“You love him, don’t you?” She said suddenly. It sounded like a question, but to Ben, it felt more like a statement. “I see the way you look at him. Like he holds the world in the palm of his hand.”

“And here I thought I had a better poker face than that,” Ben answered shyly, shifting awkwardly in his seat.

“Nobody has a poker face when it comes to love, Ben.”

Ben ran the heel of his hand along the top of his knee. He had been thinking about it for a while now, for as long as he could remember actually. Maybe from the moment, he met Joe, all those months ago, at the party that started this all. The thought had been in the back of his mind and continued to get more and more aggressive as the pregnancy continued.

“Mrs. Mazzello,” Ben began, but the woman just lifted a hand, cutting him off.

“You have my permission.” She told him. “What? Do you think I don’t know what you’re going to say? All I have heard from Joe is how posh and old fashioned you are.”

“I just thought it would be polite,” Ben mentioned, his cheeks turning scarlet.

“You have my permission to marry my son. But can I give you some advice?” She asked quietly. “Wait until after the baby is born. I know my son and if you ask now, he’s not going to think you mean it the way you do.”

“I love him for more than just carrying my child.” Ben insisted.

“I know that and so does he, but pregnancy mind if tricky. Besides, any ring you get won’t fit him now anyway.” Standing to her feet, Mrs. Mazzello placed her up in the sink, patting Ben’s shoulder as she passed.

He touched her hand gently, squeezing it as a silent way to show how grateful he was for this conversation. He had a lot of thinking to do. A lot of planning as well.


	9. Take A Chance On Me

**_If you change your mind, I'm the first in line_ **  
**_Honey, I'm still free_ **  
**_Take a chance on me_ **  
**_If you need me, let me know, gonna be around_ **  
**_If you've got no place to go if you're feeling down_ **  
**_If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown_ **  
**_Honey, I'm still free_ **

 

Joe refused to leave the bedroom. No, seriously, he was deadass set on never leaving his work desk (now that it was moved into the bedroom instead of his office, which was turned into a nursery).

 

For the most part, Ben lived with this fact. Joe was mere weeks from his scheduled C-section and probably felt so uncomfortable with the baby pressing on every organ. Still, he could go somewhere. Ben would make sure he was clothed well enough for no one to notice that he was about to burst. Ben would hold his hand proudly and drive him to every bathroom in downtown NYC. Nope. Joe was set to finish a draft of a screenplay he had started about a month after Joe and Ben decided to work things out and co-parent. Joe worked hard to prevent Ben from seeing, which sometimes worried the blond.

 

And it was fine. Ben got a new modeling gig with Adidas. He was even acting in a commercial or two for the company. After his second day on the job, Ben made sure to bring home new Adidas for his boyfriend, himself and the baby. Ugh, baby shoes were the cutest. So small.

 

But still, Ben wasn't satisfied. And yes, he can be a bit much but it was out of love. Besides, he really needed to talk to Joe about something and perhaps, if he did something. Something out of the ordinary, it would get his boyfriend out of his funk.

 

Ben spent hours between shoots and during hair and makeup figuring out what he was going to do. Then, during one photo shoot where he was to help recreate the Live Aid scene of the band, Queen, Ben got it. “Hey mate. Do you mind if I take this outfit home?”

 

The director of the shoot shrugged, “Keep it. And take the Freddie one too. Not like they're anything special. That John Deacon shirt -- now that was hard to find.” The director remarked and Ben murmured a quick thanks before running to set up his plan of action.

 

Before heading home, Ben swung by Rami’s place uptown. He got the Freddie attire, why not give it to a pal, still recovering from his penial mishap. Now, Rami also loved Queen and dreamed of one day making a biopic of the band. His favorite was Freddie because both men came from immigrant families and also thought they were the most gorgeous thing to ever walked the planet.

 

Sometime after midnight, Ben would receive a text from Lucy saying that Ben has to stay far away from Rami. First the penis pump and now the Freddie attire. Apparently, Rami used gorilla glue to stick the Freddie mustache to his face instead of proper hair glue. Hopefully, Lucy likes guys with an injured penis and a mustache...

 

Now, Ben remembered a time when Joe was talking about his favorite musicians during a playful round of “What shall we have Alexa play?” It was very early in their new relationship. About a week after their screaming match in the park.

 

Ben was kissing down Joe's neck, finding a spot to give Joe a hickey while Joe asked Alexa to switch from playing Disney to Queen. “Great band.” Ben murmured into Joe’s neck. Joe rubbed his hand on the top of Ben’s thigh. “The best. So talented. And so ugh. That Roger Taylor could top me any day.”

 

Ben chuckled at Joe's confession then but now that he had to replicate that band and was given the clothes of Joe's favorite member (it was the blond hair, definitely - he didn't look or sound much like Roger but he'd take it), he was on a mission.

 

He returned home around 7. Just as he left him, Joe was in the bedroom, typing away. Ben could hear his feverish tip-tap from the kitchen. He glanced at his reflection in the refrigerator before calling out to Joe that he was home. Hmm. One more open button. No. Start with the look and unbutton in front of him. Yeah.

 

“Alex, play ‘I Want it All’ by Queen” Ben shouted, using the limited about of dance lessons he's had to walk into the bedroom with a sexy, male strut. When he enters, Joe has turned from the computer to look to why the music was being played, a large bag of Cheetos in his hands. Ben said nothing and instead, helped Joe up, moving him slowly to sit on the edge of the bed. Ben opened a button, mouthing Freddie’s lines as he did so. Joe stayed quiet, though his mouth was always open as if preparing to say something.

 

Ben peeled off his sunglasses, throwing them on the bed and strolling back over to Joe, jumping into his knees to straddle Joe. He tugged the bag of Cheetos away, gripping onto Joe's fingers and sucking the cheese remnants with as much precision as he does when he's down on his knees, taking Joe into his mouth.

 

Joe groaned and Ben took it as the best sign. When he finished, he lifted Joe’s chin up and probed his tongue far back into Joe's mouth. Joe tried to fight back a moan, Ben could feel it. Ben also felt Joe's hands wrap around Ben's waist, one of the two hands cupping his bum but Ben took no time to peel his hands away and stand up again.

 

Now he worked quickly to take off his shirt but left it on to keep the look. His hair was blond like Roger but a bit shorter than the rockstar without the wig they gave him on set. He felt a bit silly bringing that home.

 

The blond continued to dance and even do a bit of air drumming and guitaring. This made Joe chuckle but Ben wanted more. He had to admit, Joe’s stomach was so prominent that Ben could no longer see if the ginger was turned on, so he bolted over, latching on to Joe’s neck, finding the spot on his collarbone that drove him wild while simultaneously snaking his hand from innocently on the thighs to his center.

 

Oh. He was turned on. Ben palmed it, all the while biting the spot on Joe's collarbone. Joe cried out, though he tried so hard to fight it, for whatever reason. And suddenly, when the song came to an end, Joe pushed Ben back lightly, “We have to stop now. Please. I'm a whale .”

 

“I dress up as Roger Taylor to get you off and this is how you repay me?!” Ben answered, placing his hands on hips.

 

“Whale..waahhhhh!” Joe imitated, and Ben's eyed roll. Oh no. He wasn't getting away with this. It's been almost a month of no action and he was all because the brunet didn't want Ben to look at him. Ben reminded him daily how gorgeous he was, expecting or not.

 

“I'm taking your trousers whether you like it or not. Now, you can help me and slide to the center of the bed or I can pull you there. And don't you dare say I can't. I lifted you two days ago when he swore I couldn't.”

 

Joe scrunched his face, mocking Ben's words in “Meep” fashion, yet doing as he was told and moving to the center of the bed, laying down ever so slowly. Ben took his time gathering all of the extra pillows that Joe now needs to be comfortable in bed.

 

Ben pulled Joe's pants off next. The gingers dick was hardening quickly, much to Joe's dismay. The blond leaned down and playfully kissed Joe's cock before kneeling in front of Joe's spread legs and took his own jeans off. Joe wasn't helping, making whale noises as Ben worked his way to get them both fully undressed. Finally, Ben climbed on top of Joe as best he could not to crush Joe's stomach and pulled on a lock of Joe's hair quite aggressively, “I am going to fuck you as many times as we did the night we met whether you like or not -- though something tells me you're gonna like it. So I need to you to shut the fuck up and enjoy it, yeah?”

 

Joe let out one final “Wahhhh!" before Ben bent back on his knees, wrapped Joe's legs around his waist and thrust without warning. Joe yelped. Cheeky bastard.

 

Around midnight and two rounds completed, Ben and Joe were still awake, Joe as smiley as ever even though he hated the fact that Ben was able to do that. He was clothed in an XL pajama set, while Ben was clad in only pajama bottoms. Joe made different shapes on Ben's naked chest. He did really small gestures of love to show that he did want this. That he did want Ben and his love just as much as Ben wanted to give it to him.

 

It was such a gorgeous, peaceful moment between the two of them and Ben knew this was a perfect time. With one more deep breath, drinking in the beauty of silence, Ben spoke, “You know how much I love you, yeah?”

 

Joe simply nodded. He figured that was going to be Joe's reaction. Joe had a hard time saying I love you. When Ben asked why, Joe finally admitted, after another night of Field of Dreams, that it was because of his dad. No one other than his mother and his mother could ever deserve such sediment. “But I love you,” Ben said, with Joe shaking his head.

 

“You love the idea of us. You love our daughter. You love what we could be. You don't love me now.”

 

Ben cupped his cheek and made sure their eyes were met, “I love you now, even though you don't believe it. And I'm going to work very hard to make you believe that.”

 

That was over a month ago. Right before they stopped having sex. Ben was thrusting hard into him when he heard Joe say it. Say “I love you” with gasping breaths. Ben stopped immediately and asked him to repeat it. “I love you,” he said, panting. Ben asked him to say it again, but like he meant it and not just because Ben just hit his prostate. “I love you, Ben.” Needless to say, Ben finished inside of Joe on a very happy note.

 

Since then, Ben has worked hard for Joe to say it as much as he can. Sometimes he does. Sometimes he says “You two” or “Same here” but that isn't what he wants. So when Joe nods, Ben process further. “Say it, Joe.”

 

“I love you.” He responds, finally.

 

“Good lad.” Joe gives him a playful pat on the chest at the comment. Ben chuckles, then look down to find one of Joe's hands, lacing their fingers together, “now I need to talk to you about something.”

 

“You are finally leaving me. Fuckin knew it." Joe scoffed, sarcastically. Now it was Ben's turn to give him a playful pat on the chest.

 

“No. It's not that- I wanted to ask you something and your mom actually told me not to but I can't help it.” Joe gave him a raised brow. When Ben raised from their lain position to turn and rummage through the nightstand, Joe did the best he could to sit up.

 

From the drawer, Ben pulled out a gold bracelet. He held out in front of the ginger, who has never seen it before. “This bracelet belonged to someone very special to me. I gave it to her on her fifth birthday. Her favorite movie was Toy Story and I used to tell her how much I loved her. To infinity and beyond, like Buzz. She wore this until she went into the hospital. And I um-” Tears began to swell up around the lids, finding it hard to breathe even thinking about this so intimately. Joe took one of his hands and placed it on his own stomach. As if on cue, their baby girl kicked. This seemed to calm the blond.

 

“I love you so much, Joe. And your mother told me not to do this because you'd think that this is all because of the baby. And fuck, I know we have moved so fast. Only four months ago, I didn't even know I was going to be a father. And now, here we are. One week to go and we are together..living together. But it just seemed to work out. We joke about how fast this has all been and yes, it's partly because of her but you. Joe, you have made me happy. Just you are alone. And I don't want this to ever end..”

 

Ben took his hand off of Joe's stomach and went to cup the bracelet with both palms, “After Claire died, I was angry. Angry at my parents for not caring. Angry that her life was cut so short. The idea of infinity. Of something never-ending. Something indescribable. Something so beautiful. It ended with her. And shit..even when I tried to find it again with a partner, it ended. It was cut short like no one ever wanted me...to never find something that would last….and then there's you.”

 

Ben raised on hand, placing it on Joe's cheek. “I know you. I know you hide it well but I know you want something that lasts. Something concrete. Someone as you forever. You found it in your daughter already. And Joe, I know you found it in me, as much as you try to deny it and wait for the day that I leave you. But I won't do that. Not for our daughter but also, not for you.” Ben swallowed hard, “Please be mine forever. Please take this bracelet and say that you'll be mine. My boyfriend. My fiancé. My Husband. My love. My life.”

 

The entire time Ben gave his speech, Joe's expressions changed dramatically. Initially, he was confused. Then he was filled with warmth. Finally, when he realized what Ben was about to do, instead of finding an off-handed comment, his pregnancy hormones got the better of him and he began to cry. Ben pulled him in, the tears landing on Ben's bare chest. “So is that a yes?”

 

Joe nodded, using both his hands to wipe away the constant tears that were falling. Ben worked hard to wipe them all away before pulling him in for a short, warm kiss.

 

Parting, Ben unclasp the bracelet and put it on Joe's wrist. After it was placed, Joe pulled Ben into a much longer, passionate kiss.

 

Ben knew that Joe was affirming without words but he was a bit selfish and wanted to hear him say it, “Can I at least hear you say it, once?” Ben pouted.

 

“Yes, Ben. I'll marry you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who doesn't love a good dicking, right? 
> 
> One more to go lovelies!


	10. I've Been Waiting For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Mothers Day to all those celebrating and to Joe -- who may not be a mom, but certainly deserves a shout out.

**_You thrill me, you delight me_ **   
**_You please me, you excite me_ **   
**_You're are all that I've been yarning for_ **   
**_I love you, I adore you_ **   
**_I lay my life before you_ **   
**_I only want you more and more_ **

 

The pain was ungodly, unearthly, _unwhateverthefuckyouwanttocallit_. Joe woke in the middle of the night, feeling more uncomfortable than he had in the past few weeks. He moved about, figuring he just slept wrong. After the rounds of sex that went on just mere hours ago, he sort of just passed out where he laid.

Slowly, he raised from the bed to the bathroom to relieve himself. The pain continued on. He thought it was just cramps. After all, they were pretty active as of late and he knew it would put a strain on his body. He tried the breathing techniques that Dr. Lee had given him and the stretching, but the pinching feeling continued.

After about twenty minutes of sharp intakes of breath and a pushing feeling that wasn’t going away, Joe knew this was the real deal. With clenched teeth, he waddled back into the bedroom, going to sit on the edge of the bed beside his sleeping fiancé. He reached over, shaking his arm in a weak attempt to wake him.

“Ben.” He said sharply. “Benny! Wake up!” Any other night he would toss and turn and Ben would be on his case, checking and double checking that he was all right. Tonight, however, he slept deeper than sleeping beauty.

When the blond finally did wake, he was practically groggy, his blond hair tousled in a way that Joe would find adorable if he wasn’t in so much pain. “I thought you didn’t want another round?” He muttered, his accent heavier from sleep.

“I don’t.” He answered him. “You need to get up. I think the baby’s coming.”

That was enough to shock Ben into awareness. He sat up in the darkness, his green eyes wide and alert. “Isn’t she a week early?”

“Yes. No. Fuck,” Joe groaned, his hands wrapping protectively around his stomach as another wave of pain struck through him.

Ben sprang to action, moving off the bed so he could dress and gather everything they needed. They hadn’t gotten around to packing an overnight back just yet, but Ben knew where everything was in their room. He tossed clothes blindly into a carry on bag, his phone pressed between his shoulder and head as he called Dr. Lee.

Joe was barely paying attention to him, too focused on the pain and the fact that his body was trying to push the kid out of him, even when there was nowhere for her to go. Ending the call, Ben shoved his phone into his jean pocket, wrapping the bag around his shoulder as he went to help Joe stand.

“Gwilym is going to meet us at hospital.” He told him, practically dragging Joe out of the room. The ginger didn’t even have his shoes on, but that didn’t matter at this point. They were up and out of the apartment in a flash and it was the first time since Ben moved in with him that Joe was glad the man had a car.

Ben tried to keep his mind focused on the drive there. He spoke about the latest film idea that Joe had been working on, prodding him with questions in hopes that he’d focus on something other than the agony that he was going through. He spoke about baseball, getting the facts mixed up though Joe wasn’t sure if he did it on purpose or not. The blond was hopeless with sports other than soccer ( _football_ — no its fucking soccer — _no its fucking football you stupid American_ ).

When they arrived at the hospital, they had a wheelchair ready, carting him off and into the room. Gwilym was there, thrusting paperwork into Ben’s hands as he went over the procedure with Joe. They had planned a regular c-section, but due to the sudden burst of labor, things were going to be a bit more drastic now.

The baby would keep pushing and pushing with nowhere to go, leading to more pain and more stretching, which wouldn’t be good for either Joe or the baby.

“We’re going to put you under for this. It’s perfectly safe, I assure you.”

“What . . . what if I don’t wake up?” Joe asked, his mind fuzzy as they went over everything. “Can’t you just give me an epidural or whatever?”

“It’s too late for that, Joe. She’s pushing and pushing without an exit to slip through. The best thing for us to do is put you under.” Gwilym explained carefully.

Joe clenched his teeth, sharing a pained glance with Ben before bobbing his head. “Fine, fine. Just get her out of me.”

The nurse wheeled Joe away into the next room, preparing him quickly and getting him ready for the procedure. He was stripped of his sleep attire, with only a single hospital gown wrapped around the front of his body. Even though Joe felt so separated from his body as the pain consumed his thoughts, he was brought back to earth by a tug on his wrist. “I’m sorry but I have to take this off.”

Joe began to furiously shake his head, “No..no, I just got that. I’m engaged…”

“It’s protocol, hun.” The nurse said, gently unclasping the gold bracelet.

Ben must have just come into the room, clad similar to the nurses, and heard this exchange. He leaped in to take the bracelet from the nurse, reclasping it on his own wrist. “I got it.” The nurse motioned a finger for the blond to put the face mask on now that they were in the operating room. Ben nodded before sneaking Joe a kiss on the lips. “You got this,” Ben whispered gently to him.

He laid back, trying his best to stay calm and ignore the strain on his body. Ben came around to stand behind Joe, taking his hand in his own.

“Just a few more hours and she’ll be here,” Ben whispered to him, his deep voice lulling Joe despite the fear that was running through him. “As soon as you awake, she’ll be in your arms. Our little miracle.”

“I can’t believe this is really happening,” Joe replied, watching as Gwilym set up the needle and the machines.

“All right, Joseph. Deep breath, okay?”

Joe bobbed his head, breathing deeply. Ben bent his head, pressing a kiss to Joe’s forehead. “Just breathe,” He whispered.

It was the last thing Joe heard before everything went bright and then dark.

<3

The discomfort was the first thing Joe felt when he woke up. No pain, no pushing, just discomfort from the stitches and the fuzziness inside his head. He adjusted to the lights in the room slowly, his hand coming to rub against his tired eyes.

He wasn’t sleepy tired, but rather exhausted. For Joe, it was hard to describe. When he woke, he was more aware than expected but his head was still heavy. His eyes took a moment to focus but when they did, he found his mother sitting beside him, smiling at him.

“Hi mom,” He murmured, adjusting to sit on the bed. He hissed out at the movement, his stomach straining. Even in the clothes they had given him, he could see the sudden flatness of his stomach. It wasn’t pre-pregnancy flat, but the tiny human that had been growing and living in there was now gone and there was a slight difference.

Automatically he began searching the room for any sign of his daughter, but it was empty. “She’s fine, Joseph.” His mother said gently, placing a hand on his shoulder to calm him. “She’s perfect, actually.”

“Where is she? Can I see her? Tell me about her.” Joe needed to know everything about her. What she weighed, who she looked like. Did she have a lot of hair? Joe had heartburn up the ass, so she better has full locks of hair. Whose eyes? Whose nose? Where the hell was Ben?

Ben was the last thing he remembered before he went under, where was he now?

His mother told him what little she could, explaining that the baby had been checked out and was in good health. She called the nurse, to checked on his levels and on his stitching. She asked him questions here and there, but Joe only gave short answers. He didn’t care about himself. All he wanted was his daughter.

His mother chuckled, standing to her feet to kiss his temple. She left the room and when the door opened again, the familiar blond entered. In his arms was a pink bundle all wrapped up. “Well, look who finally decided to wake up.” Ben cooed softly, smiling to Joe as he lifted his gaze from the baby in his arms. “Oh, I know. Daddy is so lazy, sleeping all day.”

“Oh my god, don’t tell her I’m lazy,” Joe whined out. The last thing he wanted was his first interaction with their daughter to be tainted by fake news. He held his arms out, his hands grabby and eager. “Gimme gimme.”

“You know, that song got us in trouble the last time we listened to it.” Ben teased as he approached. “Good trouble, but trouble nonetheless. All right, little one. Off you go.”

Ben carefully placed the baby in his arms, her head nestled against the crook of his elbow. She was . . . fuck, she was perfect. Little button nose, soft locks of blond hair. It was hard to tell, as her eyes were half open, but Joe was fairly certain she had green eyes.

“Nine months inside of me, and she comes out looking like you.” He muttered dryly, though his smile was bright and ecstatic.

Ben mirrored this look, biting his lip as he watched the two. They had waited so long for this perfect little bean and now she was finally here. Joe held her in his arms, basking in her beauty and her existence. A year ago he was single and completely alone. Now he was engaged and a father. What a strange twist of fate.

“Who was the first one to hold her?” Joe questioned to his fiance after a few moments of drinking in the new wonder that was their baby girl.

“I was...and then your mum,” Ben, who was now sitting on the edge of the bed, arm wrapped around Joe’s shoulder, playfully combed through Joe’s ginger locks. Joe hummed at this small bit of affection, though still never peeling his eyes from their bundle. When Ben went to adjust the collar of the awful hospital gown they gave Joe, a gleam of gold caught his eye.

“Almost forgot…” Joe watched as Ben unclasp the gold bracelet the blond got him as their version of an engagement ring from his wrist. Joe half-ass stretched his arm out so that Ben could reattach it. He did not want to let go of his daughter one bit.

“It’s bloody romantic,” Joe muttered, catching his fiancé’s eye roll as his American accent butchered the British slang.

“Yes, it is. And I think that’s just fine. What do you think, baby girl?” The baby didn’t make a peep but instead nestled comfortably in the blanket she was wrapped up in.

After a bit of time, a change of the diaper and two bottles, Ben finally handed over the birth certificate for Joe to sign. “We still haven’t chosen a first name.” He mentioned, holding the pen up for Joe to take.

It was an easy decision after meeting her. Even with all the choices they had been going through, only one name stuck out to both men when she finally arrived.

Clara Josephine Mazzello was born August the 19th, at 9 pounds and 3 ounces. Their perfect little chunker.

They stayed at the hospital a bit longer than expected, with Gwilym wanting to check and recheck that the vitals were heavy and that Clara was adjusting well enough. She was, one hundred percent and when they were finally given to the go, Joe watched with much delight as Ben attempted to set up the car seat in the back of his sports car.

“Something tells me we’ll have a minivan by the end of the year.” He mentioned aloud, smirking as the blond swore under his breath.

When they finally did return home, it was everything the two thought it would be. Slightly hectic, with a dash of wonderful and a sprinkle of holy shit tossed in. Babies cry and needed constant attention, though Clara was bound to get all of that. Probably more than one would have expected.

Joe’s mom stayed with them for a little while before heading back upstate, promising to visit once everybody settled in. Rami and Lucy had been in California when the baby arrived, so it was a fun surprise when the couple showed up on their doorstep.

Ben had just finished feeding Clara when they arrived, Rami hurrying over in full swing. It seemed the baby fever had finally gotten to him and he was more than eager to take over.

“Lemme see that beautiful God-daughter of mine!” Rami said, taking Clara from Ben’s arms. He had her for three whole seconds before the infant projectile vomited all over him, much to Ben’s delight.

When the visiting finally came to a close, Ben and Joe settled into their lives as new parents. It was a lot to get used to, with waking up every so often, but they could adjust well enough. They were privileged to not work 9 to 5 jobs, allowing them to have the leniency to sleep when the baby slept and awake when the baby was awake.

It had been a little over two weeks after Clara was born that things started to settle down for them both. They got used to having the tiny human in their lives and while it seemed so wild and fresh, it also came to be something of second nature. Like they had been preparing for this role of a lifetime and finally, it was their chance to live in.

Joe woke one night finding the bed empty. Clara was absent from her rocker and off in the distance, Joe could hear the faint sound of music playing. Rather than rolling over and taking advantage of having the bed to himself, Joe went to investigate.

In the living room, he found Ben moving slowly around the room, swaying to the music that was gently playing on the Alexa. Clara was nestled against his chest, eyes half open as she refused to sleep. Joe had gotten used to that. Their little girl, so curious about the world, would fight sleep as often as possible, though they found she slept best while resting on one of their chests, listening to their heartbeat.

Joe knew it would be harder as she got older, but neither man could complain. Their whole world rested on top of them, breathing and existing. He’d put up with the trouble when it came. For now all that mattered was her.

Joe stood in the doorway, watching the love of his life sing softly to the miracle they created. Ben had never been the best singer, but when he tried, he could harmonize better than anyone. He smiled at the song choice and the way he was swaying to the beat.

“ _And finally it seems, my lonely days are through. I’ve been waiting for you,_ ”

Joe was proud to say he wasn’t the one crying this time around. He almost did, watching the two people he loved most in the world dancing in his living room at three am, but it was Ben who was shedding tears. Sniffling, he pressed his lips to the blonde head of his daughter, blushing when he finally caught sight of Joe standing there.

“Did we wake you?” He asked quietly, blushing shyly in the dim moonlight. Joe shook his head, moving deeper into the room. “She was a bit cranky after her bottle so I thought dance would relax her.”

“ABBA?” Joe asked. He lifted his hand, cupping Ben’s face gently. His thumb ran along his cheek, wiping away the fallen tears.

“Technically the Mamma Mia 2 soundtrack,” Ben clarified with a wet laugh.

“I think she likes it,” Joe mentioned, leaning in to kiss Clara’s forehead. “Hi sweetie,” He whispered, smiling as she looked up to him with all the wonder she could possess.

“Care to join us?” Ben offered lightly.

“Now how could I say no to that?” Joe asked.

Wrapping his arms around Ben, Joe settled into their hold, his head resting against Ben’s shoulder as he arm tucked Clara deeper into Ben’s chest. They swayed together to the music, humming to the lyrics as the newborn slowly drifted off to sleep.

It was the most beautiful scene Joe had ever experienced. So simple and yet so lovely. He had written dozens of scenes that pulled at your heartstrings, so many emotional moments for his films, but nothing would ever be better than this.

He could win a fucking Oscar at this point, but that wouldn’t compare to even a fraction of happiness he felt in this very moment. This was the moment he had been waiting for his entire life. Dancing with the man he loved, holding their bundle, their miracle, to a soft, sweet little Rockabye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right lovelies. Thank you all so much for reading this wild story. Lis-Eve and I weren't sure what anyone would think when we first posted this, but it's safe to say we're pleased with how it turned out. 
> 
> If you're interested in more Hardzello family fun, check out my other story "Love Someone" or if you're looking for some good old fashion angst, we have a story called "Roses in December" in the Dealor tag. 
> 
> Follow me on twitter (AlonaDanger) or Tumblr (WriteYourOwnLifeStory) for updates or just to annoy the hell out of me -- either if fine! 
> 
> Thank you again and see you soon!


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